


Falling Together

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Time Between [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Songfic, post kh3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28633506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: Lea gets up from the chair and lays on the bed beside Isa. He doesn’t let go of his hand, messily twining their fingers instead. He turns his head to look at Isa. Watches the steady rise and fall of his chest.When they first became Nobodies, this was what they did. They would just lay together well into the night. Enjoy each other’s company. Something about those moments never felt like enough, though. There had always been something missing. Well…their hearts, but aside from that. Unless… Maybe it never was any deeper than that.He swallows hard. That’s not the case anymore.
Relationships: Axel & Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Time Between [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679068
Comments: 13
Kudos: 43





	1. Open Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Signs of Light" by The Head and the Heart

_I’ll wait by your bed for signs of light_

_They say that you’re gone_

_But I know you’re all right_

_I wanna be there when you open your eyes_

_It’s been so long_

_You’ve been barely alive…_

Lea awakes with a start. He grips the arms of the chair he’s sitting in as he evens out his breathing. He’s not sure when he fell asleep. How long he’s been asleep. It doesn’t matter. He’s up now. He remains slouched in the chair as he gazes straight ahead, not focusing on anything in particular. Then he shakes is head as he shifts, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He reaches towards the bed. Takes in his own hand the limp hand of the unconscious person laying in it.

“Isa…” he whispers through the darkness.

It’s been almost a month since Isa’s return. He had fallen comatose—had been barely conscious to begin with—while Ienzo and Even were testing his stability. It wasn’t great, apparently. And now it’s almost been an entire month. A month of Isa laying in this bed and a month of Lea practically _living_ in this chair beside him. He eats in this chair. He sleeps in this chair. Unless it is absolutely necessary, he refuses to leave this room. To leave Isa’s side. He can’t. Not until Isa wakes up. He has to be there for him. He has to make sure Isa knows he’s not alone. That Lea’s been waiting.

“I thought I’d find you here,” a voice then says.

He turns to look towards the door. “Naminé?” She steps into the room and stands beside him. “What are you doing up so late?”

“I had actually been talking with Kairi, but she exhausted herself to the point of passing out.” She smiles softly. “So, I figured I’d check up on you. I was foolish enough to check your own bedroom first, though.”

He forces a small chuckle. “Where else would I be but here?”

“Lea…” She lets out a little sigh. “We’re starting to worry about you. Roxas, Xion, Kairi… What you’re doing to yourself isn’t healthy.”

Now he shakes his head. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“You have to hear it. We’re your friends and—”

“I’m gonna be here the moment he wakes up. I have to be. I need him to know—”

“He’ll know in other ways. But you can’t just forget about your own wellbeing,” she goes on. Lea turns his head away as tears swell in his eyes. “How do you think Isa would feel if he learned that you stopped taking care of yourself just so you could be here at his side? Because I don’t think it would make him feel good. I also don’t think he’d be all too happy with you.”

Damn it. He knows she’s right, but he doesn’t want to admit it. He doesn’t want to leave Isa alone. He can’t. He lifts his head to look at Isa’s motionless body. His expressionless face. The _X­_ -shaped scar. _Get away from me_. The memory of the night he had come across Isa after he had been marked is still fresh in his mind. The first example— _this is what will happen to you_ —of him not being able to protect Isa. He won’t let another example be made out of him. He needs to be with him to keep him safe.

Naminé’s hand on his shoulder brings him back to the moment. He looks up at her and that’s when he feels the dried tears on his cheeks.

“When was the last time you slept in a real bed?” she asks.

He can’t help but chuckle at this. Hell, he doesn’t even remember. And maybe that is a problem, after all.

“Exactly,” she says. “You need to take care of yourself, too, Lea.” She puts a finger to her temple with another smile. “Got it memorised?”

More laughter. It quickly dies off, though, and he swallows hard. “Just let me have one more night.”

Naminé nods but doesn’t say anything else. She takes her leave and Lea is alone with Isa once more. Alone with his thoughts. With his memories. Haunted. Tainted.

_When you sleep, what do you dream?_

_I need to know you’re thinking of me…_

Lea gets up from the chair and lays on the bed beside Isa. He doesn’t let go of his hand, messily twining their fingers instead. He turns his head to look at Isa. Watches the steady rise and fall of his chest.

When they first became Nobodies, this was what they did. They would just lay together well into the night. Enjoy each other’s company. Something about those moments never felt like enough, though. There had always been something missing. Well…their hearts, but aside from that. Unless… Maybe it never was any deeper than that.

He swallows hard. That’s not the case anymore.

“I’m here, Isa,” he tells him. “I’m still waiting.” His voice is soft. Barely above a whisper. He then brings his free hand up to brush a few loose strands of hair out of Isa’s face. “I need you to be here, too.” He squeezes his eyes shut, cupping Isa’s cheek. Pressing their foreheads together. “Please…I need you…”

_Going to bed alone again_

_Don’t know when you’re coming home again_

_Going to bed alone again_

_Don’t know when you’re coming home again…_

Saying goodnight—goodbye—to Isa isn’t easy. Lea had promised the girls, though, that he would start sleeping in his own room again. In his own bed. Kairi and Naminé had even stopped by Isa’s room to see Lea off.

Now he’s leaning against the doorframe of his room with his arms folded across his chest. He looks around the empty room. At the empty bed. It doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel right sleeping on his own. Not while Isa is lying dormant a few doors down. Alone. That’s where Lea should be, but… He sighs. He’ll keep this up for a few days, and then he’ll just start sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to Isa’s room. No one ever has to know.

He runs a hand through his hair. This is ridiculous. _It’s dumb_. It’s not what he wants. Then again, what he does want is currently comatose.

Tch. Okay. He can do this. He can work through this and live a normal life while he waits for Isa is to wake up. It’s like Naminé said, even if he isn’t there when Isa wakes up, Lea will still have other ways to show him just how much he means to him. He’ll make it clear as day. Like the sun in the sky.

Soon enough, he has himself tucked into bed. He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He brings his hands up, placing them behind his head. This would’ve been perfect if he was actually tired. He’s not, though, so now he’s just lying wide awake. Now his mind is wandering… It doesn’t wander far. Just a few doors down. To Isa. He wonders if he can feel how much Lea is thinking about him. If he can somehow sense it. Hmm…

That gives him an idea.

_I’ll wait by your bed for signs of light_

_They say that you’re gone_

_But I know you’re all right_

_I wanna be there when you open your eyes_

_It’s been so long_

_You’ve been barely alive…_

When Lea goes to check on Isa next, he’s met by a roadblock. Aeleus is standing guard at Isa’s closed door.

“Before you start panicking,” Aeleus says, “Isa is fine.”

A sense of relief does wash over him. “Great. Then you can get out of the way and let me in to see him.”

“You need to see Ienzo at the Lab first.”

“Why?”

“That’s why I’m here. You don’t get past me until you see Ienzo.”

He sighs out of frustration. “Fine. Whatever.” And he makes his way for the Lab. When he gets there, he notices Demyx, Roxas, and Xion are also present. “Hey, is this why you wanted me to stop by?”

“Good morning to you, too,” Ienzo says. “Did you sleep well?”

“Tossed and turned all night.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Can we skip the small talk and jump straight into why you’re not letting me see Isa?”

“It’s only temporary.” He turns away from the computer to face Lea. “I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but we need to talk about the possibility of Isa… _not_ waking up.”

His brow furrows. “Why wouldn’t he wake up?”

“A month is a long recovery time,” Demyx speaks up.

“He’s been through a lot of shit. Of course it’s gonna take some time.” He turns back on Ienzo. “Where the hell is this coming from? Why do you suddenly think he might not wake up? I mean, he’s made it this far.”

“Well, he’s already come back once,” Ienzo says, “so coming back a second time could be more…traumatic than anything else.”

“But I don’t understand why this is coming up now.”

“It’s like he said, Axel,” Roxas starts, “it’s just a possibility that you should be prepared for.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to prepare myself for something like that?”

“Please don’t blow this out of proportion,” Xion says. “We just want to be here for you and make sure you’ll be okay.”

“Maybe you should move back to Twilight Town with us,” Roxas goes on. “It could help you keep your mind off it.”

“I’ll move to Twilight Town once Isa wakes up,” Lea says. “And I will be more than okay once Isa wakes up. Because he will wake up.”

Ienzo sighs. “Lea, please, just take the possibility into—”

“No. There’s nothing to consider because there is no possibility.”

Demyx chuckles a bit. “Told ya this wouldn’t go well.”

Ienzo shoots him a glaring look. “Thank you, but that is not helpful.”

Lea pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. “Please, just tell Aeleus to go so I can see Isa.”

He nods his head, looking nothing more than exasperated. “Yes, I will be sure to let him know.”

_When you sleep, what do you dream?_

_I need to know you’re thinking of me_

_I need to know you’re thinking of me…_

Once Lea has made it into Isa’s room, he closes the door behind him, locking it. He takes a deep, calming breath. There was no reason for that conversation. No reason to bring it up at all. No reason to believe Isa won’t wake up. Because he will. Of course he will. He has to.

He makes his way to the chair and falls into it. He covers his face with one hand before pushing it through his hair. He then leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together. His gaze lands on Isa’s face.

“Here we are,” he speaks up. “Y’know, I’m not sure if you can hear me, but…” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. The letter. “I wrote this for you before the battles in the graveyard in hopes that I would be able to read it to you someday. Now I’m thinking maybe I can reach you with it…wherever in your mind you are.” He takes a deep breath. “First of all…I’m sorry…”

He reads the letter to Isa, and he takes his time with it. Has to take his time. The hint of tears threatens at his tone. Makes him choke on the words. Stumble over his tongue. Tch. Now he can only imagine what this will be like when Isa’s actually awake. This is good practice, though.

“…Having a heart again… It’s just not the same without having you here to experience it with me. I mean, I feel like we always shared—”

There’s a knock at the door that causes Lea to nearly jump out of the chair. As soon as he catches his breath, he pockets the letter. He looks towards the door, and then back at Isa. He looks so…at peace. He wonders if that’s how he truly feels inside. Hmm. A second round of knocking sounds off, startling Lea back to the moment again.

“Time’s up for now,” he says. “But don’t worry, we’ll pick up where we left off another time.”

_I should’ve called you to hold on_

_You gotta fix yourself up before taking off_

_Cuz it’s you, it’s you that you’re running from_

_It’s you, it’s you that keeps hanging on…_

He comes across Roxas and Xion in the Study with Kairi, Naminé, and Riku. He’s almost surprised to see them in Radiant Garden again. Once they moved to Twilight Town, Lea figured he’d only ever see them during visits to that world. Apparently, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

“What brings you two here?” he asks.

Roxas quirks an eyebrow. “Yeah, it’s good to see you, too.”

Kairi giggles a bit. “Yeah, Lea isn’t the best with greetings.”

“Axel,” he says.

Lea shakes his head. “No. I thought I talked to you two about this. I’ve decided to go by Lea again.”

“Why? Because you want to or because you think _he’ll_ want that?”

He tries to ignore the way Roxas avoids using Isa’s name. Whatever. It’s better than him still referring to Isa as—Never mind. “What does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” Xion interjects. “Yeah, it’ll be strange at first, but Roxas and I can work on it and make the adjustment because it’s what you want.” She looks at the blonde. “Isn’t that right, Roxas?”

He rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Sure.”

Lea scoffs. “That sounds real convincing.”

“Stop,” Riku speaks up. “This is the last thing any of us need. So, if you’re gonna argue, then you can take it elsewhere.”

Lea and Roxas both fall silent. Riku’s not wrong, though. And Lea has a feeling he’s gonna need to have another sit down with Roxas and Xion. The first talk they had didn’t seem like enough. It must not have been, either, because there’s been a strange animosity in the air ever since. Especially with Isa’s return and Lea spending his free time at his bedside. Tch. Lea doesn’t have time to deal with Roxas’s attitude, though. He has enough going through his head already. He has enough—

“What do you think, Lea?” Naminé then asks him.

He shakes his head, running his gaze over the kids. “What do I think of what?”

Riku chuckles a bit. “When did we lose you?”

Lea lets them catch him up on the conversation. It’s mostly about Sora and how he’s been acting so strangely as of late. Lea doesn’t have an answer or reason to give them; he’s just as clueless on the matter. The only advice he has is to let Sora come around on his own time. It’s the same advice he gave Kairi a month ago. And he can’t help but feel like a bit of a hypocrite when he speaks those words. Because if this was Isa in Sora’s position, Lea would not leave him alone until he told him exactly what’s on his mind.

Isa isn’t Sora, though. And Isa needs to be persuaded sometimes. Then again, last time Lea persuaded him to do something, they lost a decade of their lives. He won’t make that mistake again. He’ll wait for Isa when he needs to now. He’ll give Isa his space and let him come to Lea once he’s good and ready.

At least, that’s how Lea hopes he’ll be. Isa knows how to drive him up the wall, though. In more ways than one.

_Cuz it’s you, it’s you that you’re running from_

_It’s you, it’s you that keeps hanging on…_

It’s the middle of the night when Lea finds himself sneaking into Isa’s room. He had had a bad dream and couldn’t fall back asleep, so he figured he might as well. He enters the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He takes a seat in the chair and reaches for Isa’s hand immediately. Almost instinctively. He softly traces Isa’s thumb.

After a few minutes of silence, Lea pulls the letter out of his pocket. He picks up where he left off before, just like he said he would. He finishes it without any other interruptions and sets it down on the bed. Tears are swelling in his eyes again, but he doesn’t care.

“I get it,” he says, trying to keep his voice low. Steady. “I get that maybe you’re scared. You’re scared of facing the guilt and the repercussions and—And I really don’t blame you. You’re not gonna be alone, though. I’ll be here. I’ll help you. Hell, nothing can make me turn my back on you. Before I can help you, though, I need you—I need you to wake up.” The tears have escaped his eyes and are now running down his cheeks. “Please, Isa. Please wake up.”

He rests his head on the edge of the bed, both hands now holding Isa’s. He’s not sure if begging will get him anywhere, but he doesn’t know what else he can do at this point. If Isa can hear him, maybe he’ll get his desperation across. Maybe Isa will pick up on how much Lea misses him. On how much Lea needs him. _We need to talk about the possibility of Isa not waking up_. Tch. Lea hasn’t prepared himself for that possibility because he didn’t think it could be a possibility. He doesn’t want it to be a possibility. It’s not supposed to be this way.

“Isa…” he chokes out. He thinks back on the final battle. Back on when Isa—Saïx—was in his berserk state. Thinks back on what he said to him them. On how he tried snapping him out of it… “Time to wake up.”

_I need to know you’re thinking of me_

_I need to know you’re thinking of me_

Lea’s eyes flutter open. He’s still leaning over the bed. He groans as he shifts, thinking he must’ve fallen asleep. Well, obviously he fell asleep, but—He shakes his head. It doesn’t matter. He straightens his body out, but his back is definitely sore. Then he pauses as he spots the letter resting on the bed. He picks it up, skimming over it one last time before returning the letter to its home in his pocket.

Taking Isa’s hand in his again, he smiles sheepishly. “Good morning, Isa.”

“L-Lea…”

He freezes, his eyes widening. Had he actually heard that, or did he just make it up in his head? “Isa?” He shifts ever so slightly, and Lea nearly jumps to his feet, still holding Isa’s hand and still half-leaning over his body. “Holy shi— _Isa_ …”

Isa turns his head towards him, seemingly struggling to open his eyes. “Lea?” His voice is hoarse. Dry. “Is that really you?”

Damn it, he’s already crying again. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m here. I’m gonna go get Ienzo and Even, though, okay? So just hold tight.” He has every intention of doing just that, but the thought of leaving Isa now is even harder than before. He kisses Isa’s hand. “I promise I will be right back.” And he takes off for the Lab.

This is incredible. It takes everything in Lea to remind himself to breathe. Hell, he doesn’t even feel like he’s running; it feels like he’s _flying_. Like he’s dreaming. He knows he’s not, though. He can’t be. This is real life. It’s truly happening.

Isa is finally awake.


	2. Recall My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "Cactus in the Valley" by LIGHTS

_I never meant to wither_

_I wanted to be tall_

_Like a fool, left the river_

_And watched my branches fall…_

The voice has to be right beside him, but…it still sounds distant. He tries moving, but his body feels so heavy. He lifts his eyelids enough to spot a vibrant red colour. He’d know that hair anywhere.

“L-Lea…?” He somehow gets the word past his horribly dry throat.

“Isa?” Lea says. Isa can’t keep his eyes open—can barely open them at all—but he sure as hell can sense Lea’s movement. His spike in energy. “Holy shi— _Isa_ …”

It hurts, but he manages to turn his head towards the other. He the forces his eyes open, despite their objections to the light. “Lea? Is that really you?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.” Tch. Isa can already hear the strain of tears in his voice. Once a crybaby always a crybaby. “I’m gonna go get Ienzo and Even, though, okay?” Lea goes on. “So just hold tight.” He doesn’t go anywhere. Isa only knows this because Lea is still holding his hand. And—And then he’s _kissing_ it. “I promise I will be right back.” That’s when the warmth of his hand disappears.

Isa takes a deep breath. He gets his eyes open and lets them adjust to the scenery. To the light. This is…truly happening. He’s actually laying in this bed. He’s waiting on Lea and Ienzo and Even… He’s not sure what will happen next, but he’ll take it one step at a time. That’s all he can do.

He’ll figure out the rest along the way.

_Old and thirsty, I longed for the flood_

_To come back around_

_To the cactus in the valley_

_That’s about to crumble down…_

Getting Isa to the Lab had been a bit of a struggle. Isa wanted to walk, but he kept losing his balance and stumbling. Lea refused to let go of him the entire way there. But getting Lea to _leave_ the Lab once they had arrived was an even greater struggle. One that ended with Lea pretty much being tossed out by Aeleus.

“He has got some nerve—” Even starts once Lea is gone.

“Cut him some slack,” Ienzo speaks up. He turns to Isa and smiles comfortingly. “We’re just going to run a couple stability tests and ask you some questions. Do you think you’ll be able to handle that?”

Isa only nods in response. Not even a second later, Even is bringing him a glass of water. He gives another appreciative nod and downs the liquid.

“I’m sure you’re still a bit dazed, but I’ll start with the questions,” Ienzo goes on. “First of all, how are you feeling?”

Isa’s brow furrows. “Dazed.” He clears his throat. It’s still achy. His voice still scratchy. “Much like you just said.”

“And what’s the last thing you remember?”

He opens his mouth to say that it’s the battle, but…that’s not the case. He recalls events from after the battle. Being in a dark void… “I’m not sure how to explain it,” he says. “I was somewhere else before being here, I just don’t know exactly where. It was just some,” he shrugs his shoulders, “empty abyss.”

“Hmm.” Ienzo considers this. “Curious.”

The next questions are more basic. Asking Isa to move certain parts of his body. Touch the tip of each finger to his thumbs. Wriggle his toes. Swing his legs. Swing his arms. His basic maneuvering hasn’t been impacted. He knows that already. He’s not worried about any of that. What he’s worried about—

“I have to go switch posts with Dilan,” Aeleus soon speaks up.

“I’m sure Dilan will understand if you’re a little late,” Even says.

“No, it’s fine. We’re wrapping up here anyhow,” Ienzo says. He turns back on Isa. “Are you okay with Lea coming back in? Or will that be too overwhelming for you?”

It takes everything in Isa not to scream out _yes_. He’s not sure his voice could handle that kind of volume. But, damn it, of course he wants to see Lea. “I don’t mind,” he manages to get out instead.

It’s the least he can do to let himself enjoy Lea’s company before reality comes crashing down on him.

_And wipe the mark of sadness from my face_

_Show me that your love will never change_

_If my yesterday is a disgrace_

_Tell me that you still recall my name…_

As soon as Aeleus opens the Lab door to leave, Isa hears the shuffling of feet right outside. “Please tell me I can go in and see him.” Aeleus only responds by stepping to the side, gesturing into the Lab. Lea comes bolting in. His eyes land on Isa and he swears he can already see tears gleaming in them. “ _Isa_ …”

He rushes over to Isa, sitting on a metal table against one of the walls. Both of Lea’s hands reach for the nape of his neck, bringing their foreheads together. Isa wants to be surprised, but Lea’s never been ashamed of his affection. He’s never been embarrassed to show it. Besides, he _needs_ this right now. Needs to squeeze his eyes shut and grip at the front of Lea’s—new—shirt. New to him, at least.

“How are you feeling?” Lea soon asks. “Are you okay?” He turns his head away to look towards Ienzo. “Is he okay?”

“He’ll need plenty of rest, but yes,” Ienzo smiles, “he’s perfectly capable. Just as everyone else has been.”

Lea returns his gaze to Isa. He’s smiling through his tears, wiping Isa’s cheeks of the silent ones falling from his own eyes. Tch. He hadn’t even noticed he had started crying. As he looks Lea up and down, though, the question he’s been avoiding creeps to the forefront of his mind.

“How long was I out for?” he speaks up.

Lea swallows hard. “About a month. Maybe just a bit longer.”

Now he had _not_ been expecting that answer. “A-a month?” His eyes widen as the breath catches in his throat. “A month…”

His gaze drops and that’s when a wave of dizziness washes over him. He grabs at Lea’s hands, pulling them away from his face. His chest constricts and he blinks repeatedly as he tries to overcome the spell.

“Whoa, you okay, Isa?” Lea checks.

Ienzo hurries over to them. “Isa?”

He lets his eyes fall shut and tries to shake it off. “Just got dizzy, for a moment.”

“He should get some more rest,” Even speaks up.

Lea nods his head once. “I’ll walk him back to his room.”

“No, he should rest here,” Ienzo says. “That way we can keep an eye on him. Just to be on the safe side.”

“Right.” Another nod of the head.

Isa can tell Lea’s not okay with this. “It’s just a couple hours,” he says.

Lea looks back over at him and smiles sheepishly. “Yeah.” He reaches to brush Isa’s hair behind his ear. “See ya later.”

_So, the storm finally found me_

_And left me in the dark_

_In the cloud around me_

_I don’t know where you are…_

Isa passes out almost instantly. When he comes to, he can already sense how much better he feels. For now, at least. He sits up and stretches, promptly gaining both Ienzo’s and Even’s attention.

“Well, you certainly look better already,” Ienzo speaks first. “You’re not as pale as you were a couple hours ago.”

“You should try walking around,” Even says. “Get your legs working and your blood flowing.”

With that, Ienzo helps Isa to his feet. They take a few laps around the Lab before returning Isa to the table. He sits back down and breathes deep.

“Should that take so much out of me?” Isa asks.

“Well, you were essentially in a coma for an entire month, so it makes sense that it’s not necessarily easy.” Ienzo pauses. “Would you like me to call Lea and let him know you’ve woken up?”

“You can, but…before you do…” He takes a deep breath. “Could I talk to you two about something?”

This takes Even’s attention away from the computer again. “Of course.”

Ienzo takes a seat in the nearby chair. “What’s on your mind?”

Another deep breath. “How are the kids? Roxas and Xion?” Isa starts.

“They’re doing quite well,” Ienzo says. “They’re both living in Twilight Town now.”

“Good. That’s good…” He nods his head. _C’mon, spit it out_. “Don’t tell anyone about what I did. Just…the plan from before. About accessing the replica programme to bring Roxas, Xion, and Naminé back.”

Ienzo and Even both seem taken aback by this, exchanging wide-eyed glances. “Why not, though?” Even goes on. “If it hadn’t been for you reaching out to myself and Demyx—”

“That’s exactly why. I don’t need any of them feeling like they’re almost _obligated_ to give me a second chance because they may owe me their life. That’s just…not fair. I’d rather they forgive me on their own time. If they even want to, that is.”

“That’s quite noble of you,” Ienzo says.

He simply shakes off the compliment. It isn’t _noble_. It’s fair. “Just make sure the message gets passed along to Demyx. If anyone were to gossip about it, I’m sure it would be him.”

Ienzo seems to hold back a small chuckle at this. “Yes, of course. I’ll be sure to let him know.”

“Thank you.”

_If this whole world goes up in arms_

_All I can do is stand_

_And I won’t fight for anyone_

_Until you move my hand…_

It isn’t long before Lea shows up at the Lab again. He greets Isa with a wide smile. “You’re up,” he says. “Has the dizziness worn off?”

Isa nods. “Yes, I’m feeling much better.”

“Great. Then I was thinking maybe I could get you out of here. Y’know, into the sunlight. We don’t have to go far; I just figured some fresh air might do you some good.”

“That probably would be a good idea,” Ienzo says.

Lea nods his head almost vigorously, as if it’s the greatest idea anyone has ever come up with. “Ya feeling up to it?”

Isa chuckles under his breath at his enthusiasm. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

Lea actually _holds his hand out_ in response. As if he’s offering it to Isa—Well, he is offering it to Isa. He quirks an eyebrow at his actions, not sure as to why he’s being so chivalrous all of a sudden. He’s intrigued, though, so he takes his hand anyhow. Lea helps him off the table and gives him a teasing wink. It doesn’t settle Isa’s confusion any.

“You remember how legs work, right?” Lea then asks.

Now Isa just wants to hit him. “Yes. I also still remember how to change my mind.”

He puts his hands up as if he’s surrendering, but the grin never leaves his face. “All right, all right, got it.”

There’s a beat. “Memorised?” Isa says.

Lea’s laughing. “C’mon, let’s go.” And he takes his leave.

“For the record,” Ienzo speaks up, “you should at least tell Lea of the role you played in Roxas’s and Xion’s returns.”

Isa shakes his head. “I couldn’t ask him to keep that from them.”

That’s the end of the conversation. Isa then follows Lea out of the Lab. The redhead is stopped at the other end of the hallway, having struck up a conversation with Demyx. Isa’s eyes widen when they both look his way and wave him over.

“Welcome back, man,” Demyx greets him. “Good to see you looking lively.”

“Yes, it’s—” Isa swallows hard. He’s not sure what the proper response is in this situation. “Thank you.”

He laughs. “Well, I’ll let you two get going. See ya around.” And he heads off towards the Lab.

“Y’know, you’re allowed to loosen up a bit,” Lea says. “I get that it’s a lot of the same people, but this isn’t the Organisation. Ya don’t gotta be so uptight. Now,” he grabs Isa’s hand, much like he used to when they were children, “let’s get outta here.”

_And wipe the mark of madness from my face_

_Show me that your love will never change_

_If my yesterday is a disgrace_

_Tell me that you still recall my name…_

Isa’s first step outside is…exhilarating. Mystifying. Blinding. The air is cool, but the sun is bright and warm, nonetheless. It’s an odd sensation that overtakes him in a way he could never even imagine. It takes him a few minutes to adjust, but once he does, he’s basking in it.

“Someday soon,” Lea starts after a long silence, “we’ll have to explore the world together. Go back to all our old hiding spots.”

“That would…be nice,” Isa says. He lets out a soft sigh, which instantly has Lea turning his head towards him. “I still can’t believe I was in a coma for an entire month.” He takes a deep breath. “Ienzo mentioned that the kids are living in Twilight Town.”

“Yeah, they are. They’ve been there for a few weeks now.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t move with them.”

Lea’s brow furrows. “Well, you weren’t awake yet.”

“That shouldn’t have stopped you.”

“I wanted to be here when you woke up. I wanted to know as soon as I could.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Hmm.” He pauses. “Will you move to Twilight Town?”

“At some point, yeah. Not sure exactly when yet.”

Isa is a bit taken aback by this. “Really? You used to always talk about getting back _home_ , though.”

“Sure, but… I dunno. I mean, I get that this,” he gestures to the world around them, “is technically our home, but it’s also where I lives basically fell apart. So, I’m just not sure I wanna settle down here anymore.” He scratches the back of his head. “Besides—”

Just then, a sharp pain courses through Isa’s temple, causing his to squeeze his eyes shut. He hisses at the sensation, bringing the heel of his palm to the bridge of his nose.

“Isa?” A sense of panic is already dripping from Lea’s voice. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure…” He presses at his temples with his index and middle fingers. “Just have a really bad headache all of a sudden.”

Another jolt courses through him and he drops to his knees. He hears Lea calling out his name again, but he sounds so distant now. Why? He’s still right beside him. He shouldn’t sound like he’s miles away. Unless… Maybe _Isa_ is miles away. Or maybe this has all been some realistic dream. A realistic nightmare. Lea is still calling his name, though, so… This can’t be a dream. It can’t be some hallucination. It can’t—

He can’t think about anything except the pain. It feels like his head is about to split open, so he keeps holding it to keep it together. _Keep it together_. His vision starts to blur. Colours start to turn grey. Lea’s voice starts to fade.

Then everything is just black. Silent. Empty.

_In the shadow_

_Here I am_

_And I need someone by my side_

_It becomes so_

_Hard to stand_

_And I keep trying to dry my eyes_

_Come and find me_

_In the valley…_

He’s surrounded by darkness once more. By an empty void. An abyss leading nowhere. Why must he always end up here? Why can’t he be someplace meaningful? Someplace with good memories. Happy memories.

“You do not deserve such memories,” a deep voice sounds off. “You have not _earned_ those memories.”

No. Not again. He spins around himself, trying to track down where the voice is coming from this time. He’s alone, though.

“You’ve been awake for barely a day and already it has overwhelmed you,” he goes on. “Already you have returned to the soothing darkness.”

There’s an echo of what sounds like the snap of fingers. The scenery around him changes and he’s suddenly back at the Castle. In the Grey Area. It’s an ironic burst of colour. Ironic in the sense that’s white and grey rather than just black. He looks around until he’s facing the glass panels. He steps up to the ceiling-high windows. Kingdom Hearts is floating in the sky. Luminescent as ever. Then he catches his reflection in the window. The scar.

“You will always be brought back here by the sigil,” the deep voice returns. “You belong to the darkness.”

He shakes his head. “No… You can’t control me anymore. You can’t—”

It’s black again. Damn it. He’s not sure if he can keep going through this. It’s exhausting. Tormenting. He just wants to lie down and—No. He can’t. He won’t give up. He’s made it this far. He has to keep going.

And then there’s Lea, standing in the distance. Out of nowhere. There’s no hesitation in Isa’s step as he runs to him. That’s how he escaped before, after all. So, he’s certain it will work just the same now. Except this time, he’s not getting any closer to Lea. The distance remains the same. He reaches for him. Calls out to him.

Time seems to slow as an overwhelming light emerges from the darkness. It doesn’t slow Isa down, though. He keeps running towards it. Keeps running for Lea. For—

_And wipe the mark of sadness from my face_

_Show me that your love will never change_

_If my yesterday is a disgrace_

_Tell me that you still recall my name…_

He awakes with a start, gasping for air. He puts his hand to his chest and—And he feels it. There’s something there. Pounding against his ribcage. This is real. This is—

“Isa,” a voice says from across the room.

He turns his head to the doorway. “Lea.”

With three long strides, Lea is sitting on the edge of Isa’s bed. He has Isa’s face cupped in his hands like earlier, their foreheads pressed together. Isa covers Lea’s hands with his own and instantly notices how much warmer Lea is. How cold he is.

“What happened?” Isa soon asks.

“You passed out,” Lea says. “Ienzo and Even think you were overwhelmed. They suggest taking it easy for a few days.”

He nods, keeping his forehead pressed to Lea’s. Keeping his eyes shut. He can feel his lip trembling. He can feel the prickle of tears behind his eyelids. The sting in his throat from trying to choke them back. He lets out a soft gasp before moving his head to bury his face in the crook of Lea’s neck. Lea’s displaced hands instantaneously wrap around Isa and he holds him tight against him.

“It’s okay,” Lea says softly. “You’re okay, Isa. You’re _safe_. I got you.”

Isa continues to _sob_ into Lea’s shoulder. He doesn’t know where this flood of raw emotion is coming from, but it won’t stop now that it’s begun. Lea’s comfort doesn’t falter for even a moment, though. He rubs up and down Isa’s back, adding pressure here and there and it’s always _just enough_. He hushes and hums at him, and the sound is soothing. Before he knows it, Lea is playing with his hair and Isa isn’t even crying anymore, but he keeps his face buried in Lea’s shoulder. In his warmth. In his scent. He breathes him in; he smells of…smoke. Like a fire. Tch. That makes sense, but there’s something else mixed in with it. Hmm… Honey? Yeah. Honey. And Isa could breathe that scent for whatever’s left of his existence.

This moment could be his last and he’s not sure he’d have any complaints.

_And wipe the mark of madness from my face_

_Show me that your love will never change_

_If my yesterday is a disgrace_

_Tell me that you still recall my name_

“Isa,” Lea soon speaks up, his voice still soft. Smooth as the honey he smells like.

Reluctantly, Isa pulls away to meet Lea’s gaze. Those vibrant green orbs. “Yes?”

Lea looks expectantly at him. Like he has words ready at the tip of his tongue, but he’s choking them down. It’s strange to Isa. Lea has never been afraid of speaking his mind before. He wonders what’s so different now. What could he be so afraid of saying?

He seems to be searching Isa’s eyes. “Teal,” he goes on. “Your eyes are teal again. Figured you would be happy to know that.”

Isa is relieved to hear that. He swallows hard. “This is probably an idiotic question, but… What of the scar?”

He tilts his head. “What about it?”

“The marks under your eyes disappeared when you were recompleted. I was wondering if I could maybe be as fortunate.”

“Isa…” He sighs. “The upside-down teardrops were a little different than the scar.”

His gaze drops. “Right. It’s as I said…” _That name does not belong to this face_. The words he spoke so long ago echo through his mind. “Idiotic question. Wishful thinking.”

And it’s as if Lea had been reading his mind. “I know you never wanted your true name to be associated with the scar, but…” He lets out another sigh. “Look at me, Isa.” When Isa doesn’t look, Lea takes his face in his hands once more and lifts his head to meet his defeated gaze. “The scar does not define you. It has no control over you anymore.”

He shakes his head, closing his eyes to avoid the ones staring at him. “It’s only a reminder of when—”

“When you protected me?” That statement causes his eyes to practically shoot right back open. Lea shrugs his shoulders. “That’s what you told me, at least. You said it was either you or me.” He smooths Isa’s hair back. “I’m still not happy you went through with it, but…” He takes one hand to lightly trace over the scar. “It’s not like I think any less of you because of it.”

The desire to be even _closer_ to Lea suddenly overtakes Isa, which he doesn’t understand because he’s not sure how he can get any closer than he already is. Before he can act on that urge, though, Lea is pulling away completely.

“It’s late,” he goes on as he slides off the bed. “I should get to my own room.”

Isa doesn’t want him to go, but he won’t make him stay. “Yeah…” It’s the only word he can get out. The only word he can think up.

“My room is just a few doors down,” Lea says from the doorway. “If you need anything, Isa, don’t be afraid to come to me.”

“Thank you, Lea.”

He smiles warmly. “See you in the morning, yeah?”

He knows the bid of farewell is meant to be reminiscent of— _See you, Isa. See you, Lea_. He can’t help but return the smile, heat rising in his cheeks. “Yes. See you in the morning.”


	3. Just Stay Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "If No One Will Listen" by Kelly Clarkson

_Maybe no one told you, there is strength in your tears_

_And so, you fight to keep from pouring out_

_But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul?_

_Do you think that there’s enough that you might drown…?_

As the days go by, Isa gets better. The dizzy spells decrease, and the headaches aren’t as intense. It’s a relief to Lea, but he also notices Isa withdrawing. Falling back into his shell. Since the night Lea comforted him while he had been crying, Isa has barely shown any sort of emotion. It’s concerning, to say the least. And he has no idea as to how to approach Isa about it. There’s no…gentle way of doing so. No considerate way of telling someone they’re being… _heartless_. He knows Isa isn’t heartless. He can only imagine what may be going through his head, though. He likes to believe that he still knows Isa well enough to know what he thinks of himself.

He finds Isa in the Study and he observes him. Takes in the sight of him in his new clothes. Lea made sure to get him out of the coat as soon they were able. Isa had had no complaints about the new outfit, either. Lea tilts his head. The style suits him. He then shakes his head. This isn’t what he’s here about. He’s here about—Well, he figures there’s no better time than the present. So, he takes a deep breath and joins Isa, pulling a chair out and sitting on it backwards to rest his arms along back of it.

“Good afternoon,” Isa greets him, nonchalantly. He doesn’t even look up from the book he’s engrossed himself in. “What’s on your mind?”

Lea is blown away with just how perceptive he is. “What makes you think something’s on my mind?”

“You stood in the doorway for about ten minutes before finally deciding to sit down with me.” As he flips the page, he glances up at Lea. “So?”

“Just…wanted to check in,” he says. “How have you been feeling?”

His gaze returns to the words on the pages before him as he shrugs his shoulders. “Well, I suppose.”

Lea can’t help the exasperated sigh that falls past his lips. “C’mon, Isa, ya gotta give me more than that.”

“What more do you need?”

“Well, it’d be nice to know why you’ve done a complete 180 over the last few days.”

Isa breathes deep. “I am still adjusting, Lea. I would hope you’d be able to respect that.” He turns the page again. “I’m sorry if my articulation of emotions isn’t as deliberate as yours, but I prefer not to put myself on display.”

“You don’t have to put yourself on display. That’s not even what I’m saying. I just mean, like… You haven’t even been talking to _me_.” He leans back, grasping the back of the chair. “I was kinda hoping we were past all that.”

He pauses, rubbing his thumb in a circular motion over the corner of the top of the page he’s currently on. “It’s complicated.”

“Then simplify it for me.”

_If no one will listen_

_If you decide to speak_

_If no one is left_

_Standing after the bombs explode_

_If no one wants to look at you_

_For what you really are_

_I will be here still…_

Lea flashbacks to the moment Isa— _Saïx_ —had explained the scar to him. And by the way Isa tenses, he has a feeling he’s remembered that moment, as well.

“Isa…I just need you to know that I’m here for you. Okay? You don’t have to hide from me or beat around the bush or anything. Just be straight with me.” Now he catches the corners of Isa’s lips twitching as he holds back a smirk. Lea rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know, just like I always have been with you.” He shakes his head, chuckling. “We were pretty awful to each other towards the end there, huh?”

Isa lifts his head, resting his chin on the heel of his palm and looking almost amused. “I suppose we were.”

There’s a twinkle in Isa’s eyes that Lea hasn’t seen in years. A glimmer of that sarcasm he used to dish out so well. The teasing he used to partake in. Lea can’t help but smile. Hell, he just wishes Isa would loosen up and actually let himself go.

“Just…be yourself,” Lea goes on.

“That’s the thing,” Isa says. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re Isa. And that’s it. There’s no title anymore. There’s no Second in Command. You are you. And you’re my best friend.”

Isa almost seems to jolt at hearing the words _best friend_. He keeps his gaze down, though, which makes it harder for Lea to read him. He wants to reach across the table for him. He wants to reach for his hand. A notion he’s always done, even when they were Nobodies. Until, that is, Isa made it clear he didn’t want that sort of contact. Since his awakening, though, he hasn’t seemed to mind the touches. But the last thing Lea wants is to push his boundaries. He doesn’t want to cross any lines.

“Do you think,” Isa starts, seemingly choosing his words carefully, “I deserve to be here? That I’ve earned this second chance?”

Lea’s taken aback by this, his brow furrowing. “Of course I do.”

He swallows hard. “Why?”

_No one can tell you where you alone must go_

_There’s no telling what you’ll find there_

_And, god, I know the fear that eats away at your bones_

_Screaming, every step, “just stay here…”_

Before Lea has the chance to even consider his answer, Kairi storms into the Study, clearly distraught. Lea is on his feet in an instant.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asks.

She paces the length of the table. “Sora is fading away,” she finally says.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“He’s _fading away_. That’s why he’s been acting so strange. He’s fading from existence.”

“Whoa, whoa, hey, c’mere.” He reaches for her hand and guides her into a chair before returning to his own. “What exactly do you mean he’s…fading?”

“I guess…” She catches her breath as she fights back tears. “Whatever it is he had to do to save me couldn’t be done without him risking his own existence. He sacrificed himself to bring me back. And he’s been hiding it ever since the final battle, but he can’t anymore because he’s literally—” She raises her—trembling—hands in front of her, looking them over. Front and back. “It’s like he’s turning invisible.”

“Okay, well…” Lea rattles his brain for the proper thing to say. “I’m sure Master Yen Sid will know what to do. Or Ienzo and Even can come up with some sort of cure. They’re clever enough.”

She shakes her head. “He says it’s irreversible.” Her face then falls into her hands. “This is all because of me. Because I was weak and let myself get captured.”

“You didn’t _let_ yourself get captured,” Isa speaks up. “Xemnas doesn’t fight fair. He took advantage of his powers and used them to outwit you all.”

“But I still got captured. And if I hadn’t—”

“If you hadn’t then, he would’ve found another moment to do so. That part of the battle was inevitable. You did put up a good fight, though, so you shouldn’t ever call yourself weak.”

Lea smiles at Isa’s words, almost as surprised by them as Kairi seems to be. “He’s right,” he says. “You’re not weak; you’re feisty.”

She lets out a half-hearted laugh, but then squeezes her eyes shut. “What are we gonna do? How are we supposed to help Sora?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Lea places a comforting hand on Kairi’s shoulder. “You guys always do.”

She nods, smiling sheepishly as she wipes a tear from the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt the two of you.”

“No need to apologise,” Isa says.

Once Kairi calms down a bit more, she takes her leave, deciding to discuss a plan further with Riku. As soon as she’s gone, Isa returns his focus to the book. Lea takes a moment before reaching across the table, brushing Isa’s hair behind his ear and tracing his finger down his jawline. Isa lifts his head, eyes wide, as the tip of Lea’s finger reaches his chin. Lea could swear there’s a tint of pink in Isa’s cheeks.

Lea smiles softly. “That’s why you deserve to be here.”

_If no one will listen_

_If you decide to speak_

_If no one is left_

_Standing after the bombs explode_

_If no one wants to look at you_

_For what you really are_

_I will be here still…_

Demyx comes rushing to Lea’s room late in the afternoon in a state of panic. He catches himself on the doorframe as he nearly trips over himself. “Dude, Isa has lost his freaking mind,” he says. “He’s practically going berserk.”

This information baffles Lea more than it scares him. He’s out of his room in a heartbeat, following Demyx back to the Lab. Upon arrival, they spot Even, Dilan and Aeleus at the end of the hallway. From that point, they can hear crashing and breaking coning from the Lab.

“What the hell happened?” Lea asks.

“We’re not sure,” Dilan says. “He was already in this state when we arrived.”

“Ienzo is still in there,” Even adds.

Lea cautiously makes his way down the hall, Demyx still behind him. As they get closer, they can see shards of glass scattered across the floor. Tables and chairs are flipped over and on their sides. So far, though, no sign of Isa or Ienzo. Demyx crosses the threshold into the Lab first and immediately ducks as a beaker of some sort comes flying at him from a hidden corner of the room. Lea peaks his head in and sees Isa standing off to the side. His eyes are closed and he’s gripping at his head, his cheat heaving.

“Lea,” he hears Ienzo call.

He and Demyx both look to see him crouched behind one of the flipped tables. They quickly join him behind his cover.

“What happened?” Lea asks again.

“Honestly, I’m not exactly sure. We were amidst a normal conversation when he abruptly just…shut down on me. Something I said must’ve triggered this reaction in him.”

“He’s totally berserk,” Demyx speaks up.

“I wouldn’t call it that,” Ienzo says. “But I do not believe he’s aware of what’s going on or what he’s doing.”

Lea shakes his head. “Get out of here. I’ll try to calm him down.”

Demyx and Ienzo exchange tentative glances but make no arguments. They hurry out of the Lab, Demyx practically using his body to shield Ienzo. As soon as they’re out of sight, Lea stands. Isa is still crouched over himself in the corner, breathing heavy. Lea swallows hard as he makes his way closer to him.

“Isa,” he speaks up, his voice soft. Isa’s body freezes. Stiffens. “It’s okay, Isa. It’s just me.” He continues walking towards him, each step growing lighter. “It’s Lea.”

Isa straightens up, punching the wall and leaving a decent-sized dent in it. He goes to throw another punch, but Lea grabs him by the wrist. “Stop it, Isa,” he says. “C’mon, this isn’t necessary. You’re safe here. No one’s trying to hurt you.”

He forces Isa to lower his arm, keeping a grasp around his wrist as his other hand lands on Isa’s shoulder. The hand on his shoulder pushes his hair out of his face. Lea’s ashamed to admit that he’s relieved to find the scar is its normal size. It’s not enlarged. Not jagged. No parallels to _Saïx’s_ berserk state. But that doesn’t explain why Isa is acting this way. It leaves more questions than it does answers.

“I’m here, Isa,” Lea goes on. “It’s just you and me here.”

He hears Isa gasp for air, and then he’s falling to his knees. Lea goes down with him, still holding onto him. He waits. Lets Isa catch his breath. Soon enough, Isa lifts his head and opens his eyes. Lea is just as relieved to see that teal colour staring back at him. Isa already looks terrified, but as he glances around the Lab, that dread only grows.

“Did I…do all this…?” he asks.

“Don’t,” Lea says. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“But—”

“We’ll deal with it after you’ve rested. Now, let’s go before you make me carry you out of here.”

They get back on their feet and make their way out of the Lab. Isa’s arms are wrapped around himself and Lea still has a hand on his shoulder. As they pass the others, he keeps his head down. Lea can only imagine how embarrassed he must feel. Ashamed. Hmm… Isa keeps going while Lea falls behind for a short moment.

“I’ll come back to help clean up,” he says.

Ienzo shakes his head. “That isn’t necessary. Stay with Isa and make sure he’s taken care of.”

He nods and catches up with Isa. They continue to Isa’s room in silence. After all, neither of them knows exactly what to say.

_If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down_

_If your legs are giving out under the weight_

_If you find that you’ve been settling for a world of grey_

_So, you wouldn’t have to face down your own hate…_

Lea finds himself sitting in the chair beside Isa’s bed again. Except this time, Isa is awake and sitting on the edge of the bed. He holds his hand out for Lea as he casts a few healing charms. There had been minimal damage to Isa, but Lea thought it best to take the time to heal him some anyhow.

“I can’t believe I did that,” Isa speaks up, his voice low. “The worst part is that I couldn’t even tell you what happened if I wanted to. I just—I don’t remember. I have no idea what went wrong.”

“Don’t dwell on it,” Lea says.

“How can you say that? I practically destroyed the Lab. You can’t just dismiss that.”

“I’m not dismissing it, I’m just saying—”

“What if one of the kids had been there? Kairi or Naminé? What if they had been caught in the crossfire?”

“Well, neither of them was there, nor did anyone get hurt.”

“That’s not the point.” He pulls his hand away, getting to his feet to start pacing the room. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m too dangerous. I’m a threat. Next time this happens, it could be so much worse. Maybe next time someone _does_ get hurt.”

“What makes you think there will even be a next time?”

“What makes you think there won’t be?”

Lea sighs, his head dropping. He doesn’t want to be having this argument. “It’s not like it was done on purpose. You weren’t in your right mindset. You can’t blame yourself—”

“And you can’t defend me forever. Frankly, I’m not even sure why you’re defending me now. I could’ve hurt you back there.”

Now he shrugs his shoulders. “Wouldn’t have made a difference. I still would’ve stayed with you. I still would’ve helped you.”

Isa shakes his head, tears swelling in his eyes. “Don’t. That’s—”

“What? It’s not fair?” he says, taking the words right out of Isa’s mouth. Isa prepares to say something else, but— “Don’t be so childish?” Lea goes on. He chuckles. “Face it, Isa. I can read you like a book. And I’m not just gonna let you…hate yourself. I’m not gonna abandon you. I already did that once and I’ll never make that mistake again.”

He scoffs. “You didn’t abandon me…”

“Either way, you’re not alone anymore.” He takes a step towards Isa. “This isn’t just your fight. You’re allowed to ask for help. So, let me help you.”

“Not if it puts you in danger.”

Lea has to admit, he loves that Isa no longer cares about hiding how much he cares. It’s a nice change for him to voice it. But his stubbornness is just as bad now as it’s always been. “You don’t gotta worry about me,” Lea goes on, closing the distance between them. He takes Isa’s hands in his own, pressing their foreheads together. “I can take care of both of us.”

He waits a moment. Gives Isa the opportunity to withdraw. When he doesn’t, Lea wraps his arms around him to pull him even closer. Isa buries his face in Lea’s chest, and Lea can tell from the way he’s shaking that he’s crying again. He doesn’t mind. He’s oddly content with the fact that Isa lets himself be so vulnerable with him now. It reminds him that this is real. That their time with the Organisation truly is over. Sure, Lea’s time with the group has been over for a little while longer, but still…

They have control over their own existences again. Lea isn’t planning on screwing up or letting this chance slip away. And he sure as hell won’t let Isa give up on himself, either. They’ve both earned this. Lea will do whatever it takes to make that clear to Isa. For now, though, he’ll continue to hold him. Comfort him.

For now, this is as close as they can get. Lea’s okay with this closeness, though. He knows how he feels, and he’ll continue to wait as long as he has to. Until Isa is comfortable. Until Isa comes to terms with his feelings, as well.

He knows the wait will be worth it.

_If no one will listen_

_If you decide to speak_

_If no one is left_

_Standing after the bombs explode_

_If no one wants to look at you_

_For what you really are_

_I will be here still…_

When Lea heads to the Lab next, it’s because he’s heard that Roxas and Xion are visiting again. He tries to spend time with them any chance he gets seeing as he feels as if there’s been an odd distance between them lately. And the distance isn’t due to them literally being worlds apart.

As he gets closer to the Lab, he hears their voices carrying down the hall. He slows at the end, leaning against the corner before turning it. He stops and listens to the conversation being held.

“Wait, he destroyed the lab?” Xion asks.

“He didn’t break anything important,” Even says.

“It was a sort of traumatic response to something I had said by accident,” Ienzo takes over. “There’s no blame to place.”

“But he did go on a rampage, right?” Roxas says. “He went berserk?”

“That’s an insensitive way of putting it,” Ienzo goes on.

“What if it happens again, though?” Xion continues with the questions. “What if he hurts someone?”

“Exactly,” Roxas says. “There’d be no coming back from that. I mean, c’mon, I think we all know that he’s kind of a monster—”

“Whoa, c’mon, man, even I know that’s harsh,” Demyx speaks up. “Besides, you haven’t even seen him since he woke up. Don’t ya think it’s a little too soon to be judging?”

Roxas sighs. “Fine. But if we find out he’s harmed Axel—”

Lea decides he’s heard enough. “Pretty sure I’ll be able to protect myself in that case,” he says as he walks the rest of the short distance to the Lab. “I don’t think it’ll come to that, though.”

Xion has a sheepish smile on her face. “Hi, Lea…”

He actively chooses to ignore her greeting, keeping his attention on Roxas. “And what exactly would you do if he did happen to hurt me?”

Roxas shrugs his shoulders. “I’d tell him off.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not what he needs. This needs to be handled in a much more understanding manner. Isa knows what he’s done is wrong. That doesn’t mean we shun him, though. How is that fair?”

He scoffs, folding his arms across his chest. “This has nothing to do with fairness.”

“Look around.” He gestures between the three of them. “None of us are innocent here.” He lets out an incredulous little chuckle. “Y’know, we all did some pretty screwed up shit towards the end of our time with Organisation. So, what makes us any better?”

“Those things were orchestrated by—”

“Xemnas.”

Now he rolls his eyes. “Fine. Whatever.”

He can’t help but laugh at all this. “Why the hell are you so against giving him a second chance?”

“Because he pitted Xion and me,” he gestures between the two of them, “against each other. Or did you conveniently not _get that memorised_?”

Lea considers this. “Okay. That’s fair. When you think about it, though…I’m the one who actually betrayed you two. Yet, you said you could forgive me. So, forgiving Isa should be _easier_ since his attitude from before had been expected. Mine wasn’t.”

Roxas seems at a loss for words to respond to that claim. Lea folds his arms across his chest, trying to hold back a smug grin.

“Can we just drop this?” Xion speaks up. “I’m sick of fighting.”

Lea and Roxas both let out a mutter of _fine_ and the conversation drops. Demyx starts up a new topic, but Lea can’t pay attention to it. Has no interest in it. _Forgiving Isa should be easier_. He’s not wrong. What Lea did was the true betrayal. But he’s not so sure he’ll ever be able to convince anyone else of that fact. Maybe that’s okay, though. He knows and maybe that’s all that matters.

Then again, he wouldn’t mind Isa not blaming himself for once. If only…

_If no one will listen_

_If you decide to speak_

_If no one is left_

_Standing after the bombs explode_

_If no one wants to look at you_

_For what you really are_

_I will be here still…_

It’s not much longer before Lea excuses himself from the Lab. He plans on heading to his room to rest for the afternoon, but he decides to drop by Isa’s room first. Just to check in on him. And he’s glad he does because when he gets there, he catches Isa punching the desk in his room. Over and over and over. He lets himself in and grabs for Isa’s hand just like he done when Isa had tried punching the wall in the Lab. Except this time, Isa seems completely aware of what he’s doing. He yanks his hand out of Lea’s grasp and shoves him back. He stops punching, though, now just gripping the edges of the desk, hunched over it.

“How much did you hear?” Lea breaks the silence.

There’s a beat. “I heard enough.”

Lea glances at Isa’s hands. His knuckles have turned white from his grip on the desk. He wants to reach out to him again. To touch him. Comfort him. But he also wants give Isa his space.

“They’ll never see me as anything more than a monster,” Isa soon speaks up. He releases one side of the desk to slam his fist down on it. “As the _berserker_.” He pauses. “And who am I to say they’re wrong?” Lea takes this moment as his chance to reach for him, but his efforts are swiftly thwarted. “Please don’t touch me,” Isa goes on, having to have sensed Lea’s movements. “You should go.”

“I’m not leaving—”

“If you don’t, I will.”

This catches him off guard. “And where will you go?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head. “Anywhere. So long as I can’t hurt anyone.”

“Fine.” He’s not in the mood to argue with anyone else. Especially not Isa. “When you’re ready, though, I will be right here for you. Don’t ever forget that.”

_I will be here still_

When he exits Isa’s room, he closes the door behind him. He sags against it with a deep breath and a heavy sigh. He’s not sure what kind of a threat that was, but he won’t let Isa go through with it. He won’t give him the chance to leave. He can’t leave. Maybe that’s selfish of Lea, but—

Damn it. He is. He’s being selfish. And that’s not fair, but… Lea meant it when he said he would be here when Isa’s ready. And no matter how long it may take, nothing will ever change that.


	4. Whatever It Takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "Mess We Made" by The Paper Kites

_Don’t, don’t tell me you want it to be working_

_So much that you don’t see how it’s hurting_

_And we run from all the things that make it worth it_

_It’s what I do_

_Can I run to you…?_

Isa stands facing the full-length mirror. He looks at himself. At the new clothes he’s been given. They’re so much better than the coat. Yet, he still feels exposed. Naked. It’s a drastic change to the coat, as well. It’s already been a good few days, but it’ll take some getting used to. Nevertheless, he’s appreciative of the new outfit.

Lea pops up behind him in the mirror and grins wide. “Looking good.” He folds his arms across his chest. “Not that I’m surprised.”

Isa suppresses a blush. “Is it…bad that I feel so strange in these?”

“Nah.” He shakes his head. “I still catch myself by surprise sometimes when I look in a mirror, too.”

He nods his head once and focuses on Lea’s reflection. He looks him up and down, tilting his head. Lea’s new clothes suit him quite well. They’re simple enough, but… He meets that green gaze in the mirror and Lea smiles again. Isa swallows hard as he steps closer to him. He reaches for Isa’s hair and plays with it a bit, draping part of it over his shoulder while he runs his fingers through the hair still falling down his back. It takes everything in Isa not to close his eyes and lean into the touch.

“It’s a nice contrast,” Lea says.

Isa quirks an eyebrow. “And what would you know about that?”

He chuckles. “C’mon, I’m not blind.”

He turns his head to look over at Lea directly. He’s still smiling. His gaze soft. Isa restrains from leaning in. Still. But Lea playing with his hair is soothing and makes it more difficult to not let himself fall into his embrace. His cheeks burn up at the thought, and he turns his head, stepping away from Lea. Out of his reach.

“Any plans for the day?” Isa asks.

Lea shrugs his shoulders, seemingly unfazed by Isa’s withdrawal. “Not really. Might do some shopping around town if you’d like to join me. It’d be good for ya to get out of here for a bit.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet.”

“Still getting the dizziness and headaches?”

“You ask that as if it’s been weeks that I’ve been recuperating. Has it slipped your mind that it’s only been a few days?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fair.” He lets out a small sigh. “Okay. Well, you can at least walk me outside, yeah? Get some fresh air, even if just for a moment. Then if you change your mind once we’re out there, you can tag along.”

Isa has been trying to relax and let himself go, which has proven to be more difficult than he thought it would be. Unless, of course, he’s with Lea. Then it just comes naturally. “Oh, you need someone to walk you out?”

Lea can tell he’s teasing. “Of course. I am a Guardian of Light, after all.”

“Oh, so what you’re saying is that you need a _bodyguard_? Hmm…” He taps his chin in a thoughtful manner. “I believe that’s what Dilan and Aeleus are for.”

He scrunches his nose. “You enjoy being a smartass?”

“You make it so easy.”

Now he laughs and Isa lets himself smile in response. It is natural with Lea and that scares him more than anything else. Terrifies him, really. He didn’t think it would be this simple to recover what they had lost. Lea shouldn’t be as nice to him as he has been. Shouldn’t be going easy on him. Not that they’ve had a chance to talk about all that… It’s as if Lea is trying to avoid the subject altogether. But Isa knows it’ll all come out eventually. He knows this happiness won’t last.

This recovery will relapse.

_All you’ve touched and felt of me was real_

_And we can only speak our minds_

_All the days in all of this_

_And, still, it’s nothing now if we don’t try…_

As Isa gets ready for bed that evening, he thinks back on the conversation he had had with Lea in the Study. _It’d be nice to know why you’ve done a complete 180 over the last few days_. Isa sighs. He told him because it’s because he’s still adjusting, but the truth is… He’s just afraid of getting too close to Lea. Of Lea getting too close to him. The idea of them being together… It feels more like a false hope than anything else. He’s not sure they could ever make it work. Not with how stubborn they both are.

Tch. Isa’s thinking about this as if—They’re just friends. That’s all they’ve ever been. That won’t change now, either. Especially if Isa can help it.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Of the scar. _Then simplify it for me_. Ugh. Isa hates that Lea had said that. And he’s almost positive he said it on purpose. Just to bring back that memory. The moment when he had to explain to _Axel_ how and why he got the scar… He shakes his head. It’s all in the past now. None of it matters anymore. It’s not significant anymore. So why can’t he seem to just let it go?

He falls into the chair beside his bed. As he sits in it, he can’t help but wonder why it’s placed the way it is. It’s not like it’s up against the wall or off in the corner of the room. It’s directly next to the bed. It seems odd to him. Then he rolls his eyes at himself as his face drops into his hands. He’s so desperate for a distraction that he’s actually debating the placement of a _stupid chair_. Talk about pathetic…

He sits back in the chair with a heavy sigh. He can’t keep his mind focused. He does need some sort of constant distraction. Otherwise, he feels like he’s going to go mad. This is all so overwhelming and the fact that Lea has been so… _welcoming_ has been a big help, and it also has made it even worse. Isa’s still not sure he’ll ever find his place now that he’s back here. Everyone else seems to have a place in this puzzle, but he just can’t see the big picture. He always thought his place was connected to Lea, but—Well, now he has Roxas and Xion. So where is Isa supposed to fit in?

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. This is dumb. He doesn’t want to be thinking about any of this. It’ll only keep him up all night or give him some sort of bad dream. Nightmares of losing Lea all over again…

_That’s why you deserve to be here_. He drops his head, closing his eyes. Telling Kairi that she isn’t weak doesn’t prove anything. He doesn’t understand why Lea can’t see that. Why Lea is seemingly so willing to just forget everything. They can’t just forget. Isa can’t forget. Ugh. All this thinking is giving him a headache. Not one of those splitting ones, but still bad enough that he feels physically ill. So, he crawls into his bed and under the covers. Hmm. Maybe forgetting wouldn’t be so terrible, after all.

_What about the mess we made?_

_What about the things we gave away?_

_What about the mess we made?_

_The pieces that we gave away…?_

Isa finds himself gasping for air as he drops to his knees. Why the hell can’t he breathe? What is going on? Who is touching him? And why does his hand _hurt_? He waits until he feels like he has control over his breathing and opens his eyes. He’s…in the Lab. But it’s practically—It’s on the floor. Damn it. He feels like he can’t breathe again.

“Did I…do all this…?” he asks.

“Don’t,” Lea’s voice comes from beside him. “Let’s just get out of here.”

Isa thinks he remembers interjecting. Thinks he remembers wanting to stay behind to help clean up the mess _he_ created. Instead, though, he finds himself back in his room, Lea sitting across from him. Hell, he doesn’t even recall getting here. Doesn’t recall the walk from the Lab to here. What is going on?

“I can’t believe I did that,” he speaks up, his voice low. “The worst part is that I couldn’t even tell you what happened if I wanted to.” He does want to. “I just—I don’t remember. I have no idea what went wrong.” He wants answers, though. Wants to know what has caused this behaviour.

“Don’t dwell on it,” Lea says.

That statement almost makes him lose it all over again. Makes him lose it enough that he can’t keep track of what’s being said between him and Lea anymore. He can’t process the words being spoken. Almost like he can’t even hear them. He just sees Lea’s lips moving. Can feel his own lips moving. As for the conversation, though… That’s lost on him.

Soon enough, Lea’s head just sorta…drops. “You can’t blame yourself—” Those are the next words Isa picks up on.

Tch. Yes, he can. “And you can’t defend me forever,” he says. “Frankly, I’m not even sure why you’re defending me now. I could’ve hurt you back there.” Could he have? _Would_ he have? Isa likes to think he would regain control of himself before allowing something like that to happen, but he also doesn’t trust himself.

Lea shrugs his shoulders. “Wouldn’t have made a difference. I still would’ve stayed with you. I still would’ve helped you.”

_Idiot_. He’s such an idiot. He always lets his attachment get in the way. Isa shakes his head, the threat of tears prickling the corners of his eyes. “Don’t. That’s—”

“What? It’s not fair?” he says. Tch. Okay. He thinks he’s clever because he had been able to guess what Isa had been planning on saying. Well— “Don’t be so childish?” he goes on. Isa clenches his jaw as Lea chuckles. “Face it, Isa. I can read you like a book. And I’m not just gonna let you…hate yourself. I’m not gonna abandon you. I already did that once and I’ll never make this mistake again.”

He doesn’t know how to feel about that statement. How to respond to it. So, he just scoffs at it. “You didn’t abandon me…”

“Either way, you’re not alone anymore.” He takes a step towards Isa. Damn it. When did they stand up? Why does it even matter? “This isn’t just your fight,” Lea goes on. “You’re allowed to ask for help. So, let me help you.”

“Not if it puts you in danger.”

There’s a softness to Lea’s expression after Isa says that. “You don’t gotta worry about me,” he says as he closes the distance left between him and Isa. He takes Isa’s hands in his own and presses their forehead together. “I can take care of both of us.”

Isa doesn’t need to be taken care of. He needs to keep his distance until he learns to control his emotions. Lea is warm, though, so for now, he’ll stay where he is. He’ll stay wrapped in his arms with his face buried in his chest. And—Is he crying? He thinks he is, but he can’t stop himself. Lea makes it so easy. Makes it so comfortable. He’s not afraid to be so vulnerable with him.

He also knows he can’t allow this to keep happening. They both need their space. Maybe Lea needs it even more than Isa does. Either way, Isa will make sure they get that distance. No matter how much it may hurt.

_So, so hard to get back to where we found this_

_Like a pulling tide in a dragging sea_

_And I want you to show me_

_That you’re wanting all the things that make it worth it_

_To see it through_

_When I’m running to you…_

Isa takes a deep, shaky breath before turning the corner and heading for the Lab. Ienzo, Even, Dilan and Aeleus are all present. They all lift their heads to glance over at Isa, but Ienzo is the only one who actually stops what he’s doing to address him.

“Good morning,” he starts. “Is there something we can help you with?”

Isa swallows hard. “I just…wanted to apologise. For what happened the other day. I don’t know what came over me—”

“We understand. And we know you weren’t aware of your actions.”

“That shouldn’t excuse it, though.”

“We were actually wondering,” Even speaks up, joining them by the doorway, “if there’s any chance you recall what word it was that may have triggered that response.”

Isa’s a bit taken aback by this forwardness. “Oh. Uhm…” He clears this throat. “I’m not sure I was even aware it was a particular word.”

“And that’s perfectly fine,” Ienzo takes back over. “There’s no need to give it anymore thought.”

“It might be good to know, though. That way I can try to avoid it in the future or find a way to not react to that word in such a way.”

He sighs, seemingly reluctant to pursue the subject any further. “Very well…” He grabs a clipboard and flips through a few pages. “I’ve been taking notes of responses you’ve given me that I found somewhat peculiar. For instance, you mentioned something about an empty abyss.” He pauses. “You said you think you were in this place after the battle and before waking up here.” He looks up at Isa. “Do you have any better understanding as to what this abyss could’ve been?”

“I do know what I was referring to, but I’m not exactly sure how to explain it,” Isa says. “Hell, it could’ve just been in my mind for all I know.”

“Huh.” He jots something down. “That’s certainly an interesting concept.”

“What had you two been speaking about before Isa went berserk?” Even then asks.

Ienzo’s eyes widen and he clicks his teeth as he turns on the other. “Do not call it that.”

“Well, it’s clearly not the trigger,” Dilan speaks up.

Ienzo pinches the bridge of his nose. “Let’s take this elsewhere.” He leaves the Lab and Isa follows him without question. Soon enough, they find themselves in the Study. “Here we go. Peace and quiet.” They sit across from each other at the table. “Now—”

“What had we been discussing before I…lost control?” Isa repeats the question.

He takes a deep breath. “We had been talking about the Organisation. The Castle and the members who have yet to return. If they ever will return.” He pauses. “Then I mentioned Kingdom Hearts.” Another pause as he glances up from his notes and across the table at Isa.

When Isa notices his staring, he startles a bit. “I-I don’t think that’s what did it.”

“I suppose not. Hmm…” He looks back down at the notes. His brow furrows. “And what of our Superior?”

The name sticks to Isa’s tongue like a bad taste. He remembers the name—doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget it—but something is telling him not to speak it. He brings a hand to this throat, acting almost as if he’s lost his voice entirely.

“And I think that’s our answer,” Ienzo goes on. He jots down another note. Isa can only assume it’s the unspoken name. “So, I would suggest—”

“Wait.” Isa shakes his head. “I’ve said his name recently, though, and nothing happened then.”

“Perhaps the context makes the difference. Either way, I would just be wary of his name being spoken. If you think you can feel when one of these moments is coming on, perhaps try to find a safe place where you can be alone without hurting yourself.”

The noise that comes out of him next is a half scoff-half chuckle. “All right. I’d like you to try and explain that to Lea. He would never—”

“This isn’t about Lea. This is about breaking your own habits and trauma. Besides, that’s a discussion you would have to have with him on your own.”

_All you’ve touched and felt of me was real_

_And we can only speak our minds_

_All the days in all of this_

_And, still, it’s nothing now if we don’t try…_

Before Isa even has the chance to ask how he should go about doing that, Lea and Demyx both appear in the Study. They’re laughing about… _something_. As to what, Isa’s not sure he could even begin to imagine.

“Just the two people I wanted to see,” Lea speaks up. He takes a seat next to Isa while Demyx walks around the table to sit beside Ienzo. “All right. Please tell me Isa’s ready to actually explore the world. He can’t keep himself locked up in here all the damn time.”

Isa tries to shake his head discreetly, but still noticeably enough for Ienzo to pick up on the motion. “I’m not so sure,” Ienzo then says. “And it’s not for me to decide. Isa will be ready when he feels ready.”

Demyx chuckles. “Ya wanna head to the shops with me, Ienzo?”

“Yes, I think I will accompany you.” The two of them get to their feet. “Let me just drop these back off at the Lab and we can head out.” And they take their leave.

“What were you two talking about?” Lea asks as soon as they’re gone.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” Isa says.

“Y’know what? You’re right.” Isa is taken aback by how quickly Lea drops it. “It isn’t any of my business, and I don’t have to know every single conversation you have.” His gaze lands on Isa and he laughs at the look of shock on his face. “C’mon, is it that surprising that I’m respecting your privacy?”

“Well, you’ve been extra pushy lately. I expected at least some sort of argument.”

He shrugs before resting an arm on the back of Isa’s chair., half wrapping it around his shoulders. “What do ya say? Let’s at least go to our old spot, yeah? Do you remember the place?”

“Of course I remember.” He does. The place he used to love going to and dreaded going to all at the same time. “I just don’t think I’m ready to go that far yet.” The place where he would say hello and say goodbye to Lea when they were kids. “But when I am ready, you’ll be the first to know.”

He smiles. “Well, I would hope so.”

With that, Lea leans over to rest his head on Isa’s shoulder, keeping his arm in its place on the back of the chair. Isa carefully sweeps his hair out of the way. He then looks down at Lea. There are a couple loose strands of hair fallen before his eyes. From this position, he can’t tell if Lea’s eyes are closed or not. He reaches for his face, anyhow, and gently brushes the loose hair out of the way. Lea lifts his head to look at him almost right away, causing Isa’s hand to slide to the other’s shoulder. They’re suddenly very close and, for some reason, it’s never felt so intimate before. But the way Lea is looking at him causes Isa’s breath to catch in his throat.

This is exactly what he _can’t_ allow to happen.

As soon as he comes to his senses, he nearly jumps from the chair. The sudden movement startles Lea out of his, as well.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Isa shakes his head, holding it gently. “N-nothing. Just…another dizzy spell.” It’s not a complete lie. “I think I’m gonna go lie down for a while.”

He leaves the Study. Leaves Lea without even giving him a second glance. Damn it. This feels all too familiar. It feels like when they were growing apart in the Organisation. It’s exactly what Isa didn’t want. Then or now. Yet here they are. Here he is. Walking away. Withdrawing. And for what?

He has plenty of answers for himself, but none of them are believable. None other than the one he won’t admit.

_What about the mess we made?_

_What about the things we gave away?_

_What about the mess we made?_

_The pieces that we gave away…?_

The words echo through his mind. He doesn’t know why he’s so surprised. He should’ve known it would come to this. That this is exactly how _they_ would feel. They have no desire to give him a second chance. And he doesn’t blame them. Roxas is right, after all. He pitted him and Xion against each other. Tried to make them off one another. Why should he be forgiven for that? And why the hell is Lea bothering to defend him? _None of us are innocent here_. Tch. _Forgiving Isa should be easier_. What a joke.

He stops at the desk in his room. He takes a deep breath before slamming his fist into it. When he doesn’t feel the pain from that initial strike, he hits it again. Then again. And he does it again. And again and again and again and—

Someone grabs his hand to stop him, but he yanks it right back. He doesn’t hit the desk another time, though. Instead, he just grips the edges of it, his eyes squeezed shut as he hunches himself over the desk.

“How much did you hear?” Lea asks, breaking the silence.

He takes another moment to breathe. “I heard enough.” He waits for Lea to reach for him again. To touch his shoulder. Run a hand up his back. Play with his hair. _Something_. And when he doesn’t, he takes another deep breath. “They’ll never see me as anything more than a monster.” He takes one hand, clenching it into a fist again to slam down onto the desk. He recalls the comment Even had made… “As the _berserker_.” He pauses to breathe. He has to keep reminding himself to breathe. “And who am I to say they’re wrong?” Now is when Lea decides to reach for him. He hasn’t even touched Isa yet, but he can already sense him. “Please don’t touch me,” he goes on. Lea missed that chance and Isa doesn’t want to be touched anymore. “You should go.”

“I’m not leaving—”

“If you don’t, I will.” He has no idea what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but he knows it’ll scare Lea.

“And where will you go?”

Or maybe Lea will see right through his bluff. “Doesn’t matter,” Isa says with a shake of his head. “Anywhere. So long as I can’t hurt anyone.”

“Fine.” Isa’s surprised that he’s giving in so easily again. “When you’re ready, though, I will be right here for you. Don’t ever forget that.”

As soon as Isa hears the door shut, he glances over his shoulder at it. He pushes himself away from the desk and stumbles towards the chair beside his bed. He falls into it, curling up. Bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. How is it he was so sure about what he wanted before he came back as Isa? Now, though—

All that he once wanted now seems so far away, despite being right in front of him.

_What do they say?_

_Do whatever it takes_

_What do they say?_

_Do whatever it takes…_

It’s the middle of the night when Isa finds himself knocking on Lea’s bedroom door. It’s a soft knock, followed by him cracking the door open just a tad.

“Lea?” he speaks through the darkness.

“I’m up,” Lea says. “Come in.”

Isa slips through the door, quietly closing it behind him. It’s a familiar sensation. Reminds him of all the times they would sneak into each other’s room in the Castle That Never Was. He’s not sure why he feels the need to still sneak around now. It’s not like they’ll get in trouble. Not that it matters.

He sits on the edge of Lea’s bed while Lea sits up. They’re silent for a long while, neither of them knowing what to say. Neither of them wanting to say the wrong thing. Isa looks around the room. Tries to see it through the darkness. Looks along the walls and in the corners. Next to the bed. Hmm…

“You don’t have a chair in here,” he speaks up.

There’s a pause before Lea’s chuckling. “What?”

Why the hell is Isa so obsessed with that _stupid_ chair? “There’s that chair in my room. The one beside my bed.”

“Right.” Another pause. “Yeah, I brought it in there. While you were…still asleep, I may as well have lived in that chair.”

“What do you mean?”

He clears his throat. “I mean that—Well, when I said I was waiting for you to wake up and that I wanted to be there when you woke up, I guess I meant it kinda literally. As in, I literally waited in that chair for you to finally come to.”

The breath catches in Isa’s throat. “Why must you feel the need to exaggerate and always be so dramatic?”

Lea scratches the back of his head. “Hate to break it to ya, but I’m not really exaggerating anything. Kairi, Naminé, and the others all had to pretty much force me out of the chair because I refused to leave your side.”

He lets this information sink in. “So…what? You put your whole life on hold just waiting for me?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “My life was already on hold. And it wasn’t gonna start again until you woke up anyway.”

Isa shakes his head. “How can you still be so childish?”

_What do they say?_

_Do whatever it takes_

_What do they say?_

_Do whatever it takes_

They fall quiet again. Isa’s eyes are squeezed shut as he tries fighting off any dizzy spell or headache trying to come on. He doesn’t need that happening right now. Then Lea’s hand is on his shoulder and Isa falls into his open arms without a second thought. Lea’s arms wrap around him and he’s _warm_. He’s so warm and comforting and—Damn it. Isa shouldn’t be getting this close. And he keeps telling himself that, but Lea is never on the same page. Lea is too good for him. He’s too kind and considerate and—

“I’m not trying to be childish,” Lea speaks up. “I’m just trying to keep a promise I made a long time ago.”

“That promise was broken a long time ago,” Isa says. He knows he shouldn’t be so blunt about it, but that may be the only way to get it through Lea’s stubborn head. “Whatever obligation we had to it is—”

“Maybe to an outsider it’s broken. To someone who doesn’t know us.” One of Lea’s hands is rubbing Isa’s back while the other plays with his hair, causing Isa to let out a content sigh. “But I do know us. And I know that we did watch out for each other. We did stick together.” Lea pauses. “Maybe it was in an unconventional sort of manner, but if we had truly turned on each other, we wouldn’t be here right now.” He looks down at Isa. “So, don’t you dare tell me we broke that promise. Because we did everything in our power to protect each other.”

It’s a nice thought. “How can you see it like that?” Isa wishes he could, too.

“Honestly?” He chuckles a bit. “Because I didn’t want to think of it any other way. So, I just stopped thinking of it in a bad way.” He squeezes Isa gently. “And you can call me childish all you want; it doesn’t bother me.”

He smiles to himself. Half-heartedly. “What about crybaby?”

“Oh, please, you’ve been the crybaby lately.”

Isa can’t deny that. He won’t necessarily admit it, but he won’t deny it, either. As they fall quiet once again, though, Lea continues stroking his hair. Isa’s eyelids grow heavy. His head is against Lea’s chest and he can hear his heartbeat. It’s…surreal. As well as overwhelming. He carefully pushes off Lea to sit up straight.

“Everything okay?” Lea checks.

Isa gets to his feet as he tries to clear his head before responding. “Y-yeah, I just—”

“Don’t tell me… Another _dizzy spell_?”

Guilt sweeps over Isa. Lea didn’t believe that poor excuse before, so it only makes sense that he would call him out on it now. Not believe it now.

Isa swallows hard. “I’m tired.”

“You can stay here.”

“I can’t. I-I shouldn’t.” He stumbles for the door. “Goodnight, Lea.”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “G’night, Isa.”

With that, Isa makes his way back to his own bedroom. Once he’s on the other side of the door, he slouches against it. He then proceeds to slide the rest of the way down until he’s hit the floor. How can he make Lea understand? Tch. He’ll never understand. He’ll never see it from Isa’s point of view. Then again, Isa hasn’t done the best job trying to view this from Lea’s perspective, either. There’s a difference, though. Lea is being naïve while Isa is being—

He sighs, tilting his head against the door. His gaze falls on the chair beside his bed, and he quickly tears his eyes away from it. _I may as well have lived in that chair_. Tch. Yeah. Lea is childish and naïve and—

And Isa has no idea what he would do without him. But he’s gonna have to figure it out. He’s gonna have to learn. If not for his own good, then for Lea’s.


	5. Take Your Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "My Fight (For You)" by Greg Laswell

_Show me what is mine, take my finger_

_Drag it through where no one else will find_

_Take your time, I have got all night_

_Take your time, in the morning, the sun will have its fight…_

Lea takes a deep breath before knocking on Isa’s bedroom door. There’s a beat before it swings open, the motion blowing loose strands of Isa’s hair back a bit. They stand there in silence for a long moment. This has been happening a lot lately and Lea hates it.

“Any plans?” Lea finally speaks up.

“Probably just going to spend the evening reading in the Study again,” Isa says. “Why? Did you have something in mind?”

He clears his throat. “I’m going to Twilight Town and then to the Islands.” Tch. He feels as if this is a risky question. “I would really love it if you would come with me.”

“I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea,” Isa says.

He sighs. “C’mon, ya can’t just hide away in here for the rest of your life, Isa. And I get that it’s kind of awkward right now, but you’ll ever form even just an acquaintanceship with Roxas or Xion if you don’t at least try.”

He looks down. “They won’t want me to be there.”

“They have to try, too, so…” He shrugs his shoulders. “Keep it civil and it shouldn’t be an issue.”

“There’s more to it than just that and you know it. You can’t make everything seem like it’ll be as simple as just being friendly.”

“Well, ya gotta start somewhere.”

He seems to consider this. Then he’s sighing, dropping his head again. “You want me to go that badly?”

“I would be very appreciative.”

Now he shakes his head as he rolls his eyes. “Fine.”

Lea smiles. “Thank you.”

_Everything you see is all for your taking_

_Climb into my dreams and leave nothing_

_I have got all night, leave nothing_

_In the morning, the sun will have its fight…_

Nothing else is said. They stop by the Lab to let the others know they’re leaving. To ask Ienzo and Demyx one last time if they would like to tag along. They politely decline the offer once more and that’s the end of it. With that, Lea and Isa make their way for Twilight Town. Lea can sense Isa’s anxiousness, but as soon as he places his hand on the small of Isa’s back, it’s as if all that tension fades. Lea can physically see Isa’s shoulders relaxing. He holds back a smug smile at being able to calm Isa down in such a manner.

“Roxas and Xion should be at the clock tower,” Lea says.

“Go on ahead,” Isa tells him. “I’ll catch up.”

He quirks an eyebrow. “Uhm…”

“I’m not going to go anywhere. Just trust me.”

Lea does want to trust him. So, he nods his head once and makes his way for the station. He looks towards the clockface and he can definitely make out two figures already sitting up there. He smiles as he heads inside to join them.

“You made it,” Roxas greets him with a smile.

“Of course.” Lea takes his seat to the right of Roxas. “Man, I’ve missed this.”

Xion looks around. “I thought you were inviting Isa.”

“I did. He said he would catch up.”

She smiles. “Good. I’m glad you were able to convince him to join us.”

Lea nods, a small smile across his lips, as well. “Me too.”

The three of them fall into a pleasant silence. The atmosphere feels dreamlike. And Lea truly has missed this.

Soon enough, Isa shows up with four sea salt ice cream bars. He hands two of them over to Roxas and Xion. They both look somewhat surprised, but gladly accept his offer. Lea chuckles, mostly to himself. He then takes one of the bars for himself as Isa sits to his left. Before he can say anything about it, though, Hayner, Pence, and Olette show up. And the seven of them sit on the clock tower enjoying the sunset. Together. Dreamlike isn’t even a good enough word to describe how Lea feels now.

It’s not long before they make their way for Destiny Islands. They’re greeted by Riku and Naminé upon arrival. Even King Mickey, Donald, and Goofy are present. Then Ventus, Aqua, and Terra show up. They all exchange quick hellos before splitting into smaller groups. Lea calls Ventus over to reintroduce him and Isa. It’s a surreal moment that soon turns into the three of them playing an intense game of frisbee with Lea’s old _weapons_. The very ones he had challenged Ventus with so long ago.

It could’ve been considered a perfect day. That is, if it didn’t end with Sora fading from existence.

_And you know there’s nothing_

_That I won’t do for you here_

_That I won’t do for you here_

_There is nothing that can stand up to my fight_

_For you, for you…_

Back at the Lab, it’s quiet. Uncomfortably so. Lea hates it. He hates having to tiptoe over his words. He understands why he has to, but… Ugh. It’s rough. It’s like everyone is on edge now.

He makes his way for the Study. The one place where the silence is tolerable. As he gets closer, though, he hears two voices carrying from inside. Isa and… _Kairi_. Huh. He knows he shouldn’t, but he stops outside the doorway to listen in anyhow.

“Well, what would you do?” Kairi asks. “What if this had happened to Lea? I mean…you wouldn’t just accept it, right?”

“I’ve already gone through three separate instances of believing Lea was gone for good,” Isa says.

“Three?”

“Yes. There was a time the Organisation sent half its members to this place called Castle Oblivion—”

“Oh, where Naminé’s technically from.”

“Correct. So, we sent half our members there and Lea, technically Axel at the same, was amongst those members. And every single one of them was destroyed. Lea hadn’t been, of course, but he also didn’t return right away. So, there was a decent span of time when we believed he had been among the fallen, as well.” He pauses. “Then there was when Roxas deserted the Organisation. Lea fought him and disappeared yet again after that.”

“And the third incident?”

He takes a deep breath. “The third incident I thought was…final. It was when Lea chose to turn his back on the Organisation help Sora get to their world. He sacrificed himself. And, at the time, we were still uncertain of what would happen to a Nobody after fading from existence. There was no concrete answer if we would return as ourselves or not. So, I thought I had lost him for good at that moment.”

“That couldn’t have been easy for you,” Kairi says. “I mean, I understand that you were technically heartless during all these incidents, but… You had to have dealt with some form of grief, right? Or did it not have an effect on you?”

Silence. Lea grows anxious on the other side of the doorway waiting for Isa’s answer. He wonders if he knows that he’s standing right around the corner. If that’s why he hasn’t said anything yet.

“It had more of an effect on me than I understood at the time,” Isa finally speaks up.

“What do you mean? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

There’s a soft chuckle. “I don’t mind.” He takes a deep breath. “That third incident put things back into perspective for me. So, when I came back and became a member of the true Organisation, I knew what it was I had to do.”

“Any chance we can do what you did then to save Sora now?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think it’ll work the same way.”

“That’s too bad.”

Hmm. What is it Isa did, though? Lea shakes his head and steps away from the entrance to the Study before walking back over and actually entering. As soon as he steps through the doorway, Kairi jumps to her feet and rushes over to him. She throws her arms around his middle, hugging him tight. Lea returns the hug, wishing there was more he could do to help.

“Doing any better today?” he speaks up.

Kairi shrugs as she pulls away from the hug. “I don’t really know anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing better, and then…” She sighs. “I’m gonna go find Riku and try to come up with some other ideas with him.” She turns back to Isa and smiles. “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.”

Isa clears his throat. “Of course. No problem.”

_So, show me what is mine_

_Take my heart and drag it through your life_

_Take your time, I’ve got all night_

_Take your time, in the morning where it’s fine…_

Once Kairi is gone, Lea takes the seat she had previously been residing in. “Did you have a nice chat?”

“Uhm… Yes. She’s a sweet girl.” He pauses. “So how much did you hear?”

_Shit_. Lea should’ve known better. He really should have. He should have walked away or just walked in. “Excuse me?” Maybe he can still cover it up, though. “I’m offended you would even think—”

“I know you better than that. So instead of lying, just admit it.”

Isa won’t even look at him. _Shit_. Lea clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “What did you do when you joined the true Organisation?”

“I did what I had to.”

“Yeah, I got that part. What does it mean, though?”

“It means you should stop eavesdropping on private conversations.” And he gets to his feet to leave.

Lea is back on his feet in an instant, as well. “What’s the big deal? Why can’t you just tell me what you did?”

“Because I don’t have to.”

“C’mon, don’t be like that.”

Isa is quick to yank his hand away from Lea when it’s reached for. “ _I don’t want to talk about it._ ”

Lea is taken aback by this outburst. Isa has never once raised his voice at him. Even during their time in the Organisation. So, he refrains from touching Isa, even when his head falls into his hand. He just stands and waits for Isa to make the next move.

Isa takes a deep breath. “You don’t have to know every little detail,” he speaks up. “You also don’t have to constantly be checking up on me.”

“What? Isa—” Lea moves to take a step towards him, but Isa only steps back in return. He freezes, thinking back to the first time Isa had done that as _Saïx_. Damn it. Why is their relationship suddenly feeling so reminiscent of their time during the Organisation? “Isa, please…”

“Stop,” he says, lifting his head. “You’re not helping as much as you think you are.”

Okay. Now Lea can’t help but laugh at how bewildering this scenario is. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“I just…need time for myself. On my own. Without you trying to make decisions for me. Trying to decide what I want or need or when I’m ready.”

He nods his head, swallowing hard. “I didn’t realise I was being so pushy.”

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I can’t—I have to go. And please, do not follow me.”

Lea listens. He lets Isa go. He doesn’t follow him. Doesn’t call after him. Doesn’t try to help because he’s apparently not being helpful anyhow. Tch. He falls into the nearest wall and slides down it. He’s such an idiot. He should’ve left it alone. He shouldn’t have lied. He shouldn’t have eavesdropped. He should know better by now. Ugh. What the hell is the matter with him?

He looks down the hall where Isa disappeared. Maybe he’ll come back. Or maybe Lea will just stay here. In this spot. Alone.

Talk about childish.

_And you know there’s nothing_

_That I won’t do for you here_

_That I won’t do for you here_

_There is nothing that can stand up to my fight_

_For you, for you…_

When was the last time he slept through the night? Lea can’t remember. He feels like he’s always up late or wakes up in the middle of the night and is unable to fall back asleep. It doesn’t matter, either way. When he’s up, he’s up. And he’s sure as hell up. His mind is racing a mile a minute, but he can’t even keep track of what he’s thinking about. He can’t process anything; it just feels incoherent and—

There’s a knock on his door, and he practically shoots up. Maybe he imagined it. Maybe he’s finally going insane. Tch. Ten years too late for that. Except there’s the knocking again. Huh. He slips out of bed and opens the door. Isa is standing on the other side. He certainly hadn’t been expecting that.

“I don’t remember what we fought about,” Isa tells him.

Lea tilts his head. He lets Isa in and closes the door behind him. “What do you mean you don’t remember?”

“I’ve discussed this with Ienzo and—” He stops, as if trying to decide the proper words. “When I feel emotions very strongly,” he goes on, “I get those headaches and the dizzy spells and tend to just feel overall physically ill. And when it’s really bad, I blackout and either…destroy an entire lab or just forget entire conversations.”

He doesn’t need to hear more to understand. “So…you _literally_ don’t have a clue what we had argued about?”

“I know what it was about, I just don’t know what was actually said.”

“You probably don’t wanna know.” He takes a seat on his bed and Isa’s follows suit after a moment’s hesitation. Lea swallows hard. “Why does it feel like you’re trying so hard to just…be the bad guy still?”

Isa sighs. “I know. I know I’ve been difficult, but… I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from…you?”

“Exactly.” His gaze falls to his hands in his lap. “I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you. But I do know I would never forgive myself.”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“It would be, though. And you wouldn’t be there to convince me otherwise.”

“Well, that’s too bad, because I don’t wanna be protected from you.” Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, but Lea can’t believe what he’s about to say: “I just want you.” He meets Isa’s gaze and he doesn’t look as shocked as Lea had been anticipating. Or he’s blacked out and won’t remember this later. Only one way to find out. “I guess I thought you felt the same.”

There’s a beat. “I do.” Lea’s almost positive he’s more shocked by Isa’s confession than Isa was of his. “That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, though,” Isa goes on.

“Not a good idea? Isa… I’ve felt this way about you since we were teenagers.”

“I know.”

“You too?”

“Me too.”

Lea can’t help but laugh. “Then what am I _missing_ here? I mean—Are you scared? Because if that’s the case, then yeah, I am, too. But the way I see it… I’ve already lost a decade and I don’t wanna lose any more time with you.”

He waits for a response. For a comeback. Damn it. Isa has never been more difficult to read.

_And you know there’s nothing_

_That I can’t do for you, dear_

_That I can’t do for you, dear_

_There is nothing that can stand up to my fight…_

Isa gets to his feet and takes a couple steps away from the bed. “Do you remember the first time you kissed me?”

Now that’s not at all the direction Lea expected this conversation to go in. “Of course I do. You told me we couldn’t because we weren’t supposed to be able to feel.”

“And you said we weren’t making it up because we were remembering.”

He gets to his feet and steps up behind Isa. “And questioned that by stating it had never been like this before.”

“And you told me that that didn’t mean it hadn’t been there all along.” Isa turns to face him. “And you were right.”

Lea smiles as he brings his hands up to hold Isa’s face. He leans in, but stops himself, only connecting their foreheads. An action he has done so many times over the last decade. An action that’s almost always left him wanting more, but he won’t take it too far. Not unless Isa makes it clear that—

“Lea,” he speaks up, his voice soft.

Lea pulls far enough away to look in Isa’s eyes. His beautiful _teal_ eyes. The corners of Isa’s lips twitch in the faint accent of a smile before he closes the distance between them himself, capturing Lea’s lips in a searing kiss. There are stars behind his eyes and flames beneath his skin. His hands move from Isa’s face to wrap around him and pull him flush against his own body. Isa’s arms wind around his shoulders and neck in return.

When they finally break apart for air, they still stay as close together as they’re able. Their breath mingles. Lea can’t clearly focus on any part of Isa’s face, so he just closes his eyes again. When Isa moves, it’s only to bury his face in the crook of Lea’s neck.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you again since you woke up,” he says, breathless. No point in denying it any longer. He strokes Isa’s hair. “Well, since longer than that, really.”

Isa chuckles softly. Lea can feel the low rumble against his own chest. Then Isa turns his head and Lea shivers when he feels a light kiss placed on his collarbone. Isa continues to leave a trail of kisses up his neck until Lea turns his head to recapture his lips. It’s much more tender this time, yet Lea feels more robbed of his breath now than before. Perhaps it’s due to the lingering sensation of kisses on his neck.

Lea’s not sure when it happens, but soon enough, they’re sitting on his bed. Laying on it. Kissing still. Over and over…

“Do you wanna go?” Lea asks between gasps of air.

Isa takes a moment to think. To consider. Lea fully expects him to say _yes_. Won’t be mad if he does. He could never be mad. Never stay mad.

He traces Lea’s collarbone lightly. “No,” he says. He lifts his gaze to meet Lea’s. “I want to be here with you.”

There’s a flutter in Lea’s stomach. In his chest. It feels as if his heart is constricting and it’s… _incredible_. He smiles again as he presses his forehead to Isa’s.

No other words are spoken. Just more kisses are exchanged. Anywhere their lips can reach. Hands tangle in each other’s hair. Their legs intertwine. Their bodies mold together until they don’t know whose limbs are whose anymore. But they do know this is exactly where they belong. In each other’s arms.

_And you know there’s nothing_

_That I can’t do for you here_

_That I can’t do for you here_

_There is nothing that can stand up to my fight_

_For you, for you_

The following morning, Lea’s eyes flutter open. His body feels light. Weightless. As he stretches, he smiles to himself. He then rolls to his other side to greet—

No one. He sits up, looking around the small bedroom. Isa is…gone. Hmm. He runs his hand over the spot where Isa had fallen asleep. It’s cold. So, he’s been gone for a while. Or maybe he didn’t even stay. Maybe he left as soon as Lea fell asleep. Or maybe Lea is already overthinking this.

Except when he sits up, he finds a piece of paper resting on the bedside table. He reaches for it, yawning. He then rubs his eye with the heel of his palm before reading it:

[“Lea. While I don’t regret last night, I still don’t think this is a good idea. There’s just too much history and bad blood between us… I can’t see how we could ever make it better. Make it work.

“You shouldn’t have put your life on hold for someone like me. I’m awake now, though, so you don’t have to wait for me anymore. Perhaps this means it’s time for you to make the move to Twilight Town. You’d be better off with Roxas and Xion anyhow. I’ll only ever hold you back.

“I know this won’t be easy to read or to accept, but… Things will be better this way. They have to be. Besides, it’s about time we learned to truly be independent of one another. It may take some time, but you’ll see it from my side one day. And when that day comes, maybe then we can start over.

“This doesn’t change my feelings for you. After the last decade, I’m not sure anything ever will. But it’s because of how I feel that I also feel this is necessary. I know you said that you don’t want or need to be protected from me, but I don’t want to be the person who hurts you. So, for now, I think it may be best we try and keep our distance.

“I hope you can understand. I only have your best interest at heart.”]

Lea rereads the letter a couple more times before lowering his hand and just…dropping it. He watches as the piece of paper gently glides to the floor. _I can’t see how we could ever make it better_. Well, yeah, if he decides to not even try, of course it won’t ever get better. _You don’t have to wait for me anymore. I’ll only ever hold you back_. Lea isn’t sure which sounds more ridiculous.

He drops back to the pillow and stares at the ceiling for a long moment. He brings his hands up and behind his head, still rerunning the letter in his mind. _I don’t want to be the person who hurts you_. Tch. Well, maybe Isa should’ve thought about that more thoroughly before writing this stupid letter. _I only have your best interest at heart_. That’s truly the worst part of the entire letter. Isa went on about how Lea can’t make decisions for him and he was right. Lea can’t decide when he’ll be better or be ready. But then that means Isa can’t make decisions for him, either. Isa doesn’t get to decide what’s best for him. Lea already knows what’s best for him.

Isa spoke with Kairi about three separate incidents where he thought he had almost lost Lea. Well, Lea believes he has a fourth incident to add to the list now. _You’ll see it from my side one day_. Yeah, well, one day may come sooner than either of them realise. One day may even be today. Lea shakes his head, letting out an unbelievable little chuckle.

Maybe this will be for the better.


	6. Something Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "All I Want" by Dawn Golden

_Your eyes, they did flutter again_

_And my mouth, it did hang wide_

_When you told me,_

_“Every little thing is gonna be all right…”_

Isa rests on his elbow, watching Lea’s sleeping body. He watches the rise and fall of his chest. Listens to the sound of his steady breathing. Lets it soothe him for a moment before he leans forward and places a featherlight kiss on his bared shoulder. He then turns his body until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet on the chilled floor. His face falls into his hands as he thinks of what he’s about to do. He runs his hands through his messy hair. He has to do this.

It isn’t going to be easy.

He gets to his feet, silently walking the short distance to the desk. He pulls out a piece of paper and a pen and takes a deep breath. _I just want you_. The words ring in his ears like they’re being spoken to him right in this moment. He glances over at Lea’s sleeping form. There’s enough light now that Isa can just make out how peaceful he looks. _I want to be here with you_. It hadn’t been a lie. But that doesn’t change the fact that Isa still thinks this is a bad idea. He knows it’s a bad idea. They can’t be together like this. Not for real. Maybe in a different life…

Tch. Who is he kidding? This is already supposed to be a different life. A better life. So why the hell can’t he shake this feeling that they wouldn’t be able to make this work? He lets out a heavy sigh and looks down at the blank sheet of paper. It’s not that he wants to do this; he has to.

So, he does.

Once he’s finished putting his jumbled thoughts into words, he leaves the note on Lea’s bedside table. Hopefully he’ll notice it right away. Hopefully he’ll understand. Hopefully they’ll be able to move past this.

He takes one last look at Lea. He reaches to run his fingers through those red locks but stops himself. He can’t. It’s too risky. Lea may be a heavy sleeper, but he’s prone to Isa’s touch. So, he opts for a ghost of a kiss on his forehead instead. Then he sneaks out of the bedroom.

Now he’ll just—

_But we were younger, then_

_And now we’re not_

_And if there was a plan made_

_Then we forgot about it_

_And if there was time_

_I could figure it out now_

_But life is short_

_And I don’t care for most of it_

_I don’t care for most of it…_

When Isa comes to, he finds himself in the middle of Radiant Garden. What the—? How the hell did he get here? And when? He doesn’t even remember leaving—

He doesn’t remember.

Damn it. The last thing he can remember is sneaking out of Lea’s bedroom. After that… Nothing. And now he’s here in the middle of Radiant Garden. A world he hasn’t explored in over ten years. Ugh. He spins around himself, trying to pinpoint exactly where he is. Why doesn’t anything look familiar? How had ten years of being Nobody been able to wipe out sixteen years of memories of his home world? Tch. If he had showed up in The World That Never Was, he would’ve been able to find his way around without giving it a second thought.

Soon enough, he spots a particular landmark that tells him exactly where he is. One of his and Lea’s old hiding spots. Whenever they would sneak out of the castle and almost get caught, they would come to this very spot. Hmm… He shakes his head. He can’t be reminiscing right now. But at least he knows he’s not far from the castle. Although… Huh. Explaining himself upon his return may be difficult. Or awkward. Then again, why should he have to explain himself at all?

He shakes it off. All these worrisome thoughts… He just stops thinking about them and moves out of the hiding spot, making his way back for the castle. Along the way, though, he decides to take a quick detour. He’s already out here, so he may as well.

The spot Isa goes to is…insignificant. At least, it would be to just any ordinary person. To anyone who doesn’t know him or Lea. To them, though, this spot means everything. At least, it used to. It was the spot where they started and ended their days. The spot where they would watch the sunrise on the early mornings. And the very same spot where they would watch the sunset on the late evenings. It’s the spot where Lea fell in love with the colours of the sky. The spot where Isa fell in love with—

The breath catches in his throat. Damn it… He leans forward, resting his hands on the ledge of the wall as his head droops between his arms. He’s sure how he feels isn’t some big secret anymore. Not to Lea, at least…obviously. Ugh. He lets out a heavy sigh. Last night just made everything so much more complicated. Isa shouldn’t have let it happen. He should have left when Lea asked if he wanted to go. But the fact that Lea was sweet enough to ask… It made Isa want to stay even more. He had wanted to stay anyway, but—

If it wasn’t complicated before, it sure as hell is now. And all because Isa couldn’t come to terms with his feelings. Because he’s too afraid of—Of hurting Lea…which is probably exactly what he did when he left that _stupid_ letter. He did not think this through enough. And he’s not sure just talking it out with Lea will be enough to make it better.

Everything he had mentioned being afraid of in the letter he only made happen when he wrote the letter.

Maybe this is what he deserves. He made his way back to this life and he didn’t believe he deserved that, so maybe this is making up for it. Maybe he’ll just spend the rest of his existence screwing up anything good that comes his way. Not that anything—any _one_ —could ever be better than Lea. And even if Lea moves past this… There’s no way in hell Roxas and Xion will ever let Isa live it down. They’ll protect him for as long as they can. For as long as Lea will let them. And they should. That’s why Lea is better off with them. They’re not blinded by biased _feelings_ towards Isa. Hmm. Well, maybe that’s not exactly true, either.

He lifts one hand to his head. All this thinking is giving him a headache. Making him dizzy. He takes a deep breath. He should get back to the castle before he blacks out again. He’s not ready to confront Lea just yet, but he’s also not ready to pass out in the middle of Radiant Garden. He’ll take the former.

He looks out towards the sky one last time. Maybe everything will somehow work itself out in the end. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want…_

Isa manages to avoid Lea for the rest of the day. Or Lea, for once, has no interest in coming after him. He’s sure that’s completely viable. He can’t imagine the redhead being happy with him in any way, shape, or form. Can’t blame him, either.

As night falls, he finds refuge in the Study. He figures this way the others can all get to bed, and he won’t have to face any of them. Tch. He’s pathetic, but he can’t bring himself to care right now.

Except he never should have believed it would be so simple.

A hand suddenly slams down on the table, a piece of paper partially crumpled beneath it. “A _fucking_ letter?” Lea says. Isa’s eyes widen as he lifts his gaze to look at him. “Don’t give me that look. You left me a _fucking_ letter?” He slides the piece of paper just a little bit closer to Isa before lifting his hand. “Is that all I mean to you?”

He shakes his head, still in shock. “I don’t even know what to say to you.”

“Well, figure it out.”

He folds his arms across his chest as he leans back in the chair. “Excuse me?”

“I deserve an explanation because this,” he points to the letter, “is bullshit and you know it. Every single word of this letter is bull—”

Now he places his hands on the table and stands, leaning over it. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

Lea mimics his movement, meeting him halfway across the table. “I could ask you the same _fucking_ thing.”

He swallows hard before retreating from his position. “What do you want from me?”

“I want an explanation,” he says. “I already told you that. This letter isn’t nearly enough for me. I mean, c’mon, you didn’t even have the decency to wait till morning and talk to me about this in person. You had to write it all in a _fucking_ letter?”

He closes his eyes, trying to remain calm. “Stop saying that.”

“No. I’m not gonna _fucking_ —”

Huh. That seems like an odd stopping point. Especially when he’s so upset. Furious. Isa isn’t sure he’s ever seen Lea so angry. He sure as hell has never risen his voice at him like that before. Sure, he probably deserves it, but… Why did he stop speaking in the middle of the sentence like that? It just doesn’t make any sense.

When Isa opens his eyes, he understands.

There are books strewn across the floor. The table is flipped on its side. One bookcase has a couple cracked shelves. Ugh. Damn it… Lea hadn’t just stopped speaking; Isa blacked out.

Hold on… _Lea_.

He looks around himself and quickly spots Lea standing off to the side, leaning against the far wall with his arms folded across his chest. His head is down, and his eyes are shut tight. Isa swallows hard. He wonders how long he was out for, but he’s afraid to ask. He looks around the Study. Clearly, he did a decent amount of damage.

“Lea…” he speaks up.

He breathes deep before pushing himself off the wall with his foot. “Ya done now?”

“How long—?”

“Does it matter?” He walks past the disheveled books. Walks around the knocked over table. Walks until he bends over to pick up a single piece of paper. “Next time,” he presses it to Isa’s chest, “just talk to me.”

Isa watches as Lea walks away, letting the letter drift back to the ground. Once Lea is gone, he crouches to pick it back up. He skims over it and lets out a heavy sigh. Then he looks around the Study again. Well, time to start fixing his mess.

_Well, I know I’m hard to take_

_And my bones are calling out your name_

_While I beat your cold windows_

_Break the locks on the gate_

_While I try to forget_

_I used to be something great…_

Isa is in the comfort of his own room that afternoon. He figures it’s safer for him to keep his distance from just about anyone and everyone at this point. So, he took a few books from the Study and is now reading one of them when there’s a knock on his door. He sets the book down and gets up to answer it.

“Kairi,” he says when he sees the young girl. “Is everything all right?”

“Lea is going to Twilight Town,” she says. He almost thinks she’s going to ask him if he wants to go, as well. “Well…he’s _moving_ to Twilight Town. And he’s leaving now.”

As those words sink in, Isa loses track of what’s going on. Loses track of what Kairi goes on to say. Next thing he knows, he’s standing outside the gates watching Lea say goodbye to the others. Kairi, Naminé, Riku, Demyx… Isa leans against the stone wall with his arms folded across his chest. He half expects Lea not to say anything to him. Wouldn’t blame for not saying goodbye to him. Butt then Lea looks in his direction and Isa realises he wouldn’t actually do that. He takes a deep breath and stands up straight as Lea steps up to him.

“This is what you wanted, yeah?” Lea says. “You said I’d be better off moving to Twilight Town.”

He nods his head once. “Right.”

“Right.”

Lea clears his throat. He then rubs the corner of his eye, but Isa can tell he’s discreetly trying to wipe a tear away. He wants to comment on how he’s still such a crybaby, but he’s not sure it’ll make the situation any better. He doesn’t think Lea will find it funny. So, he keeps the comment to himself.

“I guess I should get going,” Lea speaks up.

More nodding. “Don’t eat too much ice cream.”

That does get a chuckle out of him. A small smile. “Bye, Isa.”

“Goodbye…Lea.”

He turns to leave, but before he gets far, he’s facing Isa again. “If you ever need anything, you do know I’m only a call away, right?”

He returns a sheepish smile. “I know.”

“Even if it’s four o’clock in the morning.”

“I know.”

Lea’s brow furrows. He then closes the distance between them, practically grabbing Isa by the nape of his neck. He brings their foreheads together, and it takes everything in Isa not to go the rest of the way. Not to kiss him. And just when he thinks he’s built up the courage and momentum not to care anymore and just _go for it_ , Lea pulls away. Isa opens his eyes to watch him walking away. He watches him board the gummi ship. He watches him take off for Twilight Town. He watches him disappear into the sky without knowing when he may see him again.

Demyx brings him back to the moment when he places his hand on Isa’s shoulder. “That was painful just to watch,” he says. And he makes his way back inside the castle.

Isa doesn’t move. He continues to stand at the gate, staring towards the sky. _This is what you wanted, yeah_? Tch. What the hell has he done?

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want…_

Isa can’t sleep. He lays in his bed, staring at the ceiling through the dark. He’s spent most of the last few days rereading that stupid letter. Every time he tries to sit down and read an actual book, he can’t focus on it. He can’t focus on the words. His mind just wanders back to the letter. Every time.

He rolls onto his side and props himself up on his elbow. The gummi phone Ienzo gave him is sitting on the bedside table. _If you ever need anything…I’m only a call away_. He knows. _Even if it’s four o’clock in the morning_. He knows. It wouldn’t be fair to Lea, though. Hell, he hasn’t even been gone a week yet. Isa needs to give him time to settle. Time to adjust. Time to…miss him…

Isa knows he already misses Lea.

He lets out a heavy sigh as he rolls onto back again. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe he’ll call him in the morning. Or maybe he’ll just let him be and let him live his life. The way he deserves.

Unable to stand his own thoughts any longer, he rolls out of bed and leaves his room. He wanders aimlessly around the castle until he reaches the Lab. Where he finds both Ienzo and Demyx.

“What are you two doing up?” he asks.

“Hey, man, we could ask you the same thing,” Demyx says with a smile.

Ienzo only looks concerned. “Are you feeling all right? Do you think you may have an episode coming on?”

“No, I—I’m fine,” Isa says. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

He nods. “Oh. Okay. Good.”

Demyx is still grinning. Almost smugly. “Anything you wanna talk about? There’s gotta be something on your mind keeping you up.”

Well, he’s certainly not wrong. And even if Isa did want to discuss it, he still wouldn’t know where to begin. There’s no good place to start. Except maybe the very beginning. But the very beginning of what? Of the Organisation? Of his friendship with Lea? That would take far too long. And it’s time he doesn’t feel like spending. Wasting. Tch. Except it wouldn’t be a waste. Not if there’s a chance that it could help.

“Stop,” Ienzo then says before Isa can even really consider responding.

Now he chuckles. “C’mon, it was a harmless question.” He waves Ienzo off. “Fine. Can I ask you something, then?”

Isa tilts his head, truly having no idea where Demyx could be going with this. “I suppose that would be okay.”

“Why don’t ya wanna tell Lea or anyone about the replica thing?”

Now he sighs. Yeah. He should have seen that coming. “I already explained to Ienzo and Even—”

“Yeah, and I ain’t buying it.”

He’s taken aback by this, unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. Especially with the way Demyx is still grinning at him. It’s beginning to get unnerving and infuriating all at once.

“He’s much more perceptive than any of us ever gave him credit for,” Ienzo speaks up. “Or he put on a very good act.”

“Yeah, yeah, we can gush about me some other time,” Demyx says. “Right now, though, I wanna get to the bottom of this.”

Isa quirks an eyebrow. “The bottom of…what, exactly?”

“C’mon, like you don’t know.”

Isa does know. Of course he knows. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready to—Tch. At the rate he’s going, he’ll never ready for anything.

He decides to head back to his room. Ienzo and Demyx don’t argue with him. They don’t try to make him stay. They just bid him goodnight, and he does the same. He then returns to his bedroom. His empty bedroom. His quiet bedroom. Quiet…

Except for the letter on the desk screaming at him.

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want…_

When the four walls of his bedroom become too hard to bear, Isa returns to the Study for peace and quiet. And he has exactly that…until Demyx decides to join him and tune his sitar. It’s tolerable, at first, but the sound slowly creeps beneath Isa’s skin.

“Do you really have to do that here?” he speaks up.

Demyx laughs. “I was expecting ya to say something, like, half an hour ago, so I’m pretty impressed.”

“What? So, you’re testing my patience?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Sounds kinda mean when you put it that way.”

He rolls his eyes as returns his attention to the book. Demyx continues tuning his sitar at the end of the table. Isa wants to tell him to leave again, but when he opens his mouth, something else entirely comes out: “What had you meant the other day?”

Demyx slows down his ministrations but doesn’t pause entirely. “Gonna need more a bit more context than that, dude.”

“The thing about how that had been painful to even watch,” Isa goes on. Demyx stops completely now, closing a single eye as he thinks back— _hard_ —to what Isa is referring to. Isa rolls his eyes again, sighing. “When Lea left for Twilight Town.”

It clicks. “ _Oh_ …” He chuckles, nodding. “Yeah, I just meant that, like… You two are totally into each other. And you both seem to be aware of that, but at the same time, it’s almost like neither of you want to admit it.”

He pauses, his mouth somewhat agape. Well, Ienzo sure as hell was right about Demyx being perceptive. He then closes his mouth and clears his throat. “Excuse me?” Yeah. And that’s the best comeback he could come up with.

He chuckles more. “You can’t tell me I’m wrong. I mean, seriously, there was even some weird sexual tension between you two during our Organisation days. I’m almost positive everyone was aware of it. Hell, I think that’s even why Xemnas—”

Isa feels as if his heart has stopped. He suddenly can’t breathe and there’s a ringing in his ears. He covers his face with his hands, squeezing his eyes shut. He tries to remember to breathe, but… Damn it. It’s not easy. Why isn’t it easy? It should be easy. It’s _involuntary_. His body doesn’t seem to think so, though. Instead, it just wants to shut down.

And then he hears it. His name. It sounds distant, yet—Huh. It sounds like…Lea’s voice. That’s not possible, though. Lea’s not here to bring him back this time. So now he’s so far gone that he’s _hallucinating_ his voice… Hmm. But it does sound like he’s right in front of him. Somehow. Like if he were to open his eyes…

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

_Because you’re all that I, all that I want_

Isa lifts his head and does open his eyes. “Lea?”

Demyx has a gummi phone raised in front of him and Lea is on the screen. Clear as day. He smiles at Isa. “Hey, welcome back. You all right?”

“I-I—” Isa swallows hard. “I think so.”

“Sorry,” Demyx speaks up. “Pretty sure that was my bad. I accidentally mentioned, uh… I mentioned our old Superior’s name and I think it triggered him.”

“Yes, it—” Isa takes a moment to even out his breathing. “That was it. Ienzo and I figured it out a while ago that _his_ name can cause me to have an episode.”

Lea’s brow furrows. “You never told me that.”

His gaze is turned down. “It never came up.”

“Well, I’ll let ya get back to your thing, man,” Demyx goes on after a moment of silence. “Thanks for the help.”

“No problem,” Lea says. “And call me if you need anything else.”

“Will do. Later.”

“Later.”

Demyx hangs up and sets the phone on the table. Then he’s grinning again. “Case and point.”

Isa already knows he doesn’t like where this conversation is going. “Excuse me?”

“Ienzo told me about how _his_ name is triggering for you. And I wanted to see if Lea could calm ya down even just over the phone.”

His eyes widen. At the words he’s hearing and at how smug Demyx looks. “So…you did that on purpose to try and prove a point? Do you even understand how—how reckless a-a-and inconsiderate and stupid that idea was?” He gestures to the phone. “What if Lea hadn’t picked up?”

“Of course he was gonna pick up. I called him from your phone.”

He shakes his head. “You’re an idiot.” And he gets to his feet to leave.

“Listen, I’m gonna be blunt with you because I can be,” Demyx continues even as Isa is walking through the doorway. For some unknown reason, though, Isa does stop to listen. “You’re in love with Lea. And he’s in love with you, too. And the sooner you come to terms with that—”

Now he sighs, exasperated. “You really think I’m that dense?” He turns back to face him. “I’m well aware of how I feel.”

“Then what’s the issue here?”

“What just happened is the issue.”

“Yeah, but Lea—”

“Lea can sometimes cause episodes, too. It’s not strictly—our old Superior. His name is just pretty much a surefire way to trigger a reaction within me. But there are other factors involved, too. And that’s why—”

“That’s why you think you’re so dangerous.” He leans back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head. “Man, he controlled you in your berserk state and he still has control over you now with your blackouts.” He glances over at Isa. “Is that really how you wanna live your new life? I mean, if you ask me, Lea is your only clear answer.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Just something to think about.”

Isa doesn’t say anything in response; he just takes his leave. And if Demyx believes that had been some huge revelation… Tch. Isa knows exactly how he feels. He knows that Lea feels the same. He knows that this is all he’s ever wanted. Well, not _this_ , but—But life got in the way. The Organisation got in the way. Being Nobodies. Being heartless…

That’s the thing, though. It’s when they were heartless that Isa came to realise just how much Lea means to him. _His light_. Just how much he loves him. _His spark_. It’s when he realised that his heart never belonged to him in the first place. _His flame_. It’s always belonged to Lea. _His sun_. And he’s never wanted it back because it’s already home.


	7. Forgive and Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "I'm Here" by Aly & AJ

_No one needs to know how we feel_

_No one needs to understand_

_Cuz they can’t have a hold on us_

_It’s not just any kind of love_

_I know when something is too sacred to touch…_

Lea is at the Bistro with Roxas and Xion for lunch when he gets a random call from Isa. He excuses himself and steps outside to answer the call. He’s even more surprised when he sees Demyx’s face appear on the screen.

“Hey, what’s going on? Why are you calling from Isa’s phone?”

“Uh, yeah, he’s sorta having a breakdown.”

“Wait, what—?” Before he can get the rest of the question out, Demyx turns the phone to face Isa. And Isa is standing with his head in his hands, his shoulders visibly shaking. “Isa,” Lea says, going for a softer tone. “Isa,” he says again, a little louder, but still trying to keep it gentle. “Isa.”

He finally lifts his head, opening his eyes. “Lea?”

He smiles, relief sweeping through him. “Hey, welcome back. You all right?”

“I-I—” He takes a deep breath. “I think so.”

“Sorry,” Demyx speaks up. Lea almost forgot he had been the one to call him in the first place. “Pretty sure that was my bad. I accidentally mentioned, uh… I mentioned our old Superior’s name and I think it triggered him.”

“Yes, it—” Isa stops, and Lea can tell he’s still trying to catch his breath. “That was it. Ienzo and I figured it out a while ago that _his_ name can cause me to have an episode.”

Lea’s brow furrows. “You never told me that.”

Isa isn’t looking at phone. “It never came up.”

He holds back a scoff. That’s a lame excuse.

“Well, I’ll let ya get back to your thing, man,” Demyx then says after a moment of silence. “Thanks for the help.”

“No problem,” Lea says. “And call me if you need anything else.”

“Will do. Later.”

“Later.”

He ends the call and pockets his phone. That was…odd. He’s glad he had been available to help, though. When he left, not knowing when Isa would have an episode and not being there for it were his main concerns. They’re still his main concerns. Hell, it’s barely been a week and he already misses it. Misses Isa. Not that that’s really a surprise to him. He just thought it may have taken a bit more time to hit him.

He shakes it off and heads back inside the Bistro, rejoining Roxas and Xion at their now cleared-off table.

“Hey, we figured we were ready to wrap it up, yeah?” Roxas says as Lea sits back down. “And we were planning ice cream on the clock tower next.”

Lea nods. “Yeah, sounds good.”

Xion pauses, looking him up and down. “Who just called?”

“Demyx.” Not a complete lie.

“Any reason why?”

“Just checking in.”

“Have you heard from Isa since you moved?” Roxas asks.

Lea takes a deep breath. He already knows the exact direction this conversation will take. “We’re not getting into this right now.”

“What? I’m just saying, if he was that good of a friend then he would’ve checked in with you by now, too.”

“He’s dealing with personal stuff.”

“Right. His berserk state.”

Xion’s eyes widen. “ _Roxas_.”

“Don’t call it that,” Lea goes on. Just then, the check is dropped off and he practically grabs for it. “I’ll cover this.” He throws the munny down. “I’m gonna pass on the clock tower, though.” And takes his leave.

As soon as he gets back outside, he rans a hand through his hair. It’s been a long week. And it’s only just the beginning of starting over.

_They don’t see_

_You’re right where I want you and I think_

_You could be_

_Something that’s more than expected_

_Why let this go all the way down from here?_

_I’m here…_

He didn’t think it was possible, but Lea has actually been sleeping _worse_ since moving to Twilight Town. Every night, he goes to bed watching his phone. And every night, he wakes up thinking he’s hearing it ringing.

It never is.

This is one of those nights. Except instead of just laying in bed, he’s sitting on the edge of it. He can’t keep still and doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know how to expel this kind of energy. He just feels…off. Restless. He needs something to keep his body and his mind busy.

Soon enough, he gets up and crosses his room. He pulls the letter he wrote for Isa from the top drawer of his nightstand. Hmm. As much as he wanted to be able to read it out loud to Isa, a part of him wishes he had just left it for him to read himself before he came here to Twilight Town. At the same time, though, he wants to be able to discuss it with him, too. Then again, Isa would probably tell him that he isn’t ready for that kind of conversation. Tch. He’s never gonna be ready for anything. And Lea doesn’t like thinking that, but at this rate…

He lets out a heavy sigh and sets the letter down. He then makes his way out of his room and into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass, he fills it with cold water from the faucet and gulps it down. Then he turns to face the small apartment he’s moved into. It’s filled with the bare minimum. A couch. A coffee table. An armchair. Even for dishes he really only has enough to last him a couple days before absolutely having to wash them. And the couch could barely fit three people. Not that he expects to have people over often. Only person he’d like to have over, he’s not sure would even accept an invite.

He sets the empty glass down and pushes himself onto the countertop to sit. He thinks about what it would be like to live with Isa. Sure, he technically lived with him for ten years in the Castle, but that doesn’t count. That was different. It hadn’t just been them. This could be, though. This place could belong to _just them_. It’d be cramped, but Lea can’t say he’d mind. It would just give him a reason to be close to Isa. To sit right next to him on the couch. To brush against his shoulder when they walk past each other. Any excuse to get close. To touch. Isa is always so cold; Lea wants to be able to keep him warm.

It’s thoughts like these that keep him from decorating. He wants to be able to do that with Isa. He already knows exactly how the place would end up looking. It’d turn into a shrine for the moon and the sun. Homages to their attributes. To their balance. Polar opposites, but they keep each other in check.

He hops off the counter and sits on the couch. He looks at the coffee table. At the two tiny trinkets Roxas and Xion had given him as a move-in gift. The one from Xion represents a teardrop, which he couldn’t help but chuckle at when she gave him it. And the one from Roxas represents the—The old sigil. That had brought a tear to Lea’s eye, which ended up making Xion’s gift all the more ironic. He chuckles under his breath before letting out a heavy sigh…

Lea wishes Roxas and Xion could get to know the version of Isa he had grown up with. The version he befriended before the Organisation. The version he had fallen—

He stops himself. Despite knowing exactly how he feels, a part of him is afraid to admit it now. Even to just himself. He doesn’t want to say it out loud. Doesn’t want to somehow jinx it. If he says it, it’ll be to Isa’s face. No matter the outcome. But… He has no idea when he might get that chance.

_We both tend to run when we’re hurting_

_We both tend not to forgive and forget_

_The past can’t have a hold on us_

_For you my heart will give its trust_

_I don’t ask much of you, just need your love…_

When Lea wakes up, it’s to the sound of his phone ringing. He feels around for it only to realise he had fallen asleep on the couch. He rolls himself over the back of it and stumbles his way into his bedroom.

“Hello?” he picks up, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm.

Kairi giggles. “I’m sorry. Did I disturb your beauty rest?”

“No, but you did wake me.”

“Lea, it’s the middle of the day already. How could you still be sleeping?”

He makes his way for the kitchen. “Didn’t sleep well last night.”

She pauses, thinking. “Have you heard from Isa yet?”

“By default.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

He grabs the cup he used during the night and fills it with water again. “Demyx called me yesterday while Isa was having an episode to calm him down.” He sips at the water. “It worked, but I didn’t really get to talk to Isa after the fact.”

“Well, maybe you should stop being so stubborn and reach out to him first.”

He finishes off the water. “Did ya call me just to lecture me?”

“Well…no, not exactly.”

“What’s on your mind, then?”

She takes a deep breath. “Okay. So, as you know, we’ve been brainstorming ideas to try and figure out what happened to Sora and how to bring him back.”

“Right.” He sets the empty glass down and pushes himself onto the counter again. “Roxas and Xion mentioned something about looking into their memories seeing as they once shared his memoires.”

“Exactly.” She nods her head. “The King, Donald, and Goofy are going to be returning to all the worlds Sora has visited in the past and searching for clues there. Meanwhile, Aqua, Ven, and Terra have made the decision to search the Realm of Darkness.”

Lea’s eyes widen a bit at this. “Oh. Wow… Guess everyone really is doing their part.” He pauses. “So, what are you planning on doing?”

She looks uncertain. “Don’t freak out.” He quirks an eyebrow, and Kairi then takes a deep breath. “I’m going to ask Ienzo and Even to…put me under so that they can search my heart.”

Huh. He hadn’t been ready for that sort of answer. Now he isn’t quite sure how to react. How he should respond. He wants to freak out, but she already asked him not to. How is he supposed to not freak out, though?

“Riku is okay with this?” he finally speaks up.

“It isn’t Riku’s choice.”

Damn it. “Kairi…this is a huge decision. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Because I know Sora would do the same for me. Besides…I’m the reason he’s gone. Now I need to do whatever it takes to bring him home.”

He can’t help but smile at this. “You sound like me…” He takes a deep breath. “Well, like you said, it’s your choice. You’re too stubborn to be stopped anyway. So just let me know when and I’ll be there.”

She returns the smile. “Thank you, Lea. I knew you would understand.”

Once they say goodbye to each other and he ends the call, he tilts his head back against the cabinets. Tch. What a way to start the day… He then shakes his head and hops off the counter, heading to his room. Might as well get ready for the rest of it.

_They don’t see_

_You’re right where I want you and I think_

_You could be_

_Something that’s more than expected_

_Why let this go all the way down from here?_

_I’m…_

Lea meets up with Roxas and Xion on their way to the Old Mansion. The kids do most of the talking, Lea barely listening as he follows along behind them. His mind is too busy wandering to thoughts of Isa and Kairi and Radiant Garden and—

“Hey, you still with us?” Roxas’s voice pierces through his thoughts. He chuckles as Lea shakes his head. “What’s got you zoning out?”

“Just…a lot on my mind,” he says.

“Isa?” Xion asks.

He tilts his head. “Y’know, I do think about other things.”

Roxas scoffs. “I would so hope. Don’t get why you waste so much time on—”

“Stop talking.” Lea comes to a halt with another shake of his head. “You’re not being fair. You’ve barely given Isa the chance to show you who he really is. And who he was in the Organisation isn’t even close to who he is now. And I’m getting real sick of you talking so much shit about him. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“I’ve seen enough to know he hasn’t changed.”

“What have you seen?”

“That episode he had in the Lab.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t remember you being there. And last I checked, hearing about an incident isn’t the same as physically seeing it.”

“What does it matter?”

“Why is this so difficult for you? I’ve already explained it—”

“What? You mean the thing about what you did being an actual betrayal.” Roxas rolls his eyes. “Fine. Do you want me to take back forgiving you? Would that make you feel any better?”

“If it’ll help you grow up—”

“Help me grow up? What about you? You’re no better than I am. Have you apologised to Ienzo or Even about what happened at Castle Oblivion? Have you apologised to Kairi for kidnapping her? You wanna think you’re all high and mighty—”

“I never once said that I’m any sort of saint. And for the record, I did apologise to Kairi. More than once, in fact. So, I’m sorry you weren’t there to witness it, but now that you’re hearing about it, it’s the same thing, right?”

“ _Stop it_ ,” Xion suddenly calls out. “Both of you. Please. We’re not supposed to be fighting like this anymore.” She turns to Roxas. “I understand that tensions are high and that it’s hard to just forget about what Isa did to us as Saïx and what he put us through, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we should hold those actions against him. We have no way of knowing how much control he had over his own person during that time or how much control belonged to Xemnas, so we really shouldn’t be too hard on him. It isn’t fair.”

Roxas’s nose scrunches. “Wait, you’re defending—?”

“No, all I’m saying is that…” She lets out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know about you, Roxas, but I don’t wanna live my new life _already_ holding a grudge. That’s not fair to me, either.” She then turns to Lea. “And you’re right. You did betray us. But you also already apologised to us. We have yet to receive an apology from Isa, though. And you can’t do that for him. You can’t tell us that he feels guilty and expect that to make it all go away. I mean, you don’t even think your own apology was nearly good enough, so why would apologising for Isa be any better?” She takes a deep breath. “We know that you care about us just as much as you care about Isa and that you want us all to get along. Until we get that apology from him, though, we won’t be ready to move past this.”

“Fine,” Roxas speaks up after a long moment of silence.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Lea says.

“Good. Because this,” she gestures between the two of them, “is becoming _toxic_. And I’m sorry, but I can’t stand being around either of you when you’re like this.”

With that, she walks away. Lea and Roxas stand in silence once more, both looking at their feet. _That doesn’t mean we should hold those actions against him_. At least Lea knows Xion is thinking about all this reasonably. _We have yet to receive an apology from Isa, though_. And he knows that she’s right. His apology wasn’t enough for both himself and Isa.

“I should catch up,” Roxas speaks up first again. “You still gonna tag along?”

Lea shakes his head. “I don’t think I will today. I’m tired.”

He watches as Roxas runs off before turning and heading back in the direction they had come from. Except now he walks alone. That’s okay, though. He can process his thoughts better when he’s alone. And right now, he has a lot to process.

_Here you go again_

_Doubting yourself_

_For no good reason_

_You’re listening to someone else…_

Well, he thought he was tired. Yet, Lea is laying in his bed, wide awake, for the umpteenth time. He places his hands behind his head as he stares at the ceiling. He focuses in on a crack he can barely see through the darkness. Maybe if he keeps following it back and forth, though, it’ll tire him out. Or maybe it’ll just give him a headache.

Just as his eyelids start to droop shut, his phone goes off. Tch. Of course. He sits up and reaches for his bedside table. When he looks at the caller ID, though, he realises it’s—

“Isa,” he says as soon as he answers the phone, suddenly feeling wide awake. He smiles. “Yo.”

He returns a gentle smile. “I didn’t expect you to pick up so quickly.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I’m glad you called. I’ve missed you.” He could swear he sees a light flush in Isa’s cheeks, which makes him smile a bit wider. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“A lot, actually,” Isa says. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

He pauses. “I think I’ve been pushing you away intentionally. Well…no. I _know_ I’ve been pushing you away intentionally.”

Lea can’t help but chuckle at this. “Yeah, no shit. Is that your big revelation?”

“Must you be such an ass about it?”

“Oh, I’ve upgraded from _childish_ to _ass_ , huh?”

Isa shakes his head, also chuckling. “You’re impossible.” Another pause. “I’ve realised my problem is that… I’m making plans as if we’re still in the Organisation. As if we’re still living day-to-day and mission-to-mission. That’s not the case, though. I don’t have to make plans with the fear in the back of my mind that you’re just gonna be wiped from existence the next day. I mean, I’ll always have a fear of losing you, but the only way of that happening now is if I push you away.”

He’s smiling at this. “Ironic how that works.”

“I think I thought that if I just pushed you away and got it over with, then it would hurt less than you waking up one day down the road and deciding that you just…don’t want this anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Isa.” He shakes his head. “C’mon, I’ve wanted this for ten years now. Longer than that, even. You know that. And if the Organisation didn’t change how I feel about you, then nothing ever will.”

“Yes, I understand that now.”

“What does that mean, then? For us?”

“It means…we still have a lot to discuss. But it may be better to discuss it all in person rather than over the phone.”

“Yeah, I’d prefer in person, too.” He pauses as he notices Isa’s background. “Where are you, by the way?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, that doesn’t look like anywhere in the castle,” he goes on. “And are you walking? You seem like you’re moving.”

“I’ve decided that I’m ready to explore Radiant Garden.”

“Without me?” There’s a knock on his front door. He goes to answer it without thinking twice. “I dunno. It doesn’t look much like Radiant Garden, either.”

He reaches the front door, swinging it open. Isa, of all people, is standing on the other side. Damn it. Lea can’t believe he didn’t see this coming. He can’t believe Isa is here with him. In person.

“That’s because it might be Twilight Town.” Isa ends the call. “Hi, Lea.”

_They don’t see_

_You’re right where I want you and I think_

_You could be_

_Something that’s more than expected_

_Why let this go all the way down from here?_

_I’m here_

Lea tosses his phone… _wherever_ before throwing his arms around Isa and kissing him _hard_. Isa laughs into the kiss, winding his arms around Lea’s waist to reciprocate. Lea proceeds to step backwards, pulling Isa into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind them. He then pushes Isa up against, pressing their bodies together.

When their lips break apart, they’re breathing heavy. Lea’s vision is blurry as hell, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is the fact that Isa is here. In his arms. He’s within reach and he’s never letting him slip away again.

“I thought we were going to talk,” Isa speaks up, his voice low. Rough. Breathless.

“C’mon, we’ll have plenty of time to talk tomorrow,” Lea says. “So long as you promise not to run at the first sight of daybreak.”

“Y’know, I am sick of running.” Isa pushes Lea away as he leans in for another kiss. “But you know as well as I do that we should talk first.”

“What if I’m sick of talking?”

“Then you’re going to downgrade back to _childish_.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, yeah, fine. You’re right.” He regretfully steps away from Isa. “Please, make yourself at home.” He gestures towards the living room. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“Yes, a glass of water would be nice. Thank you.”

Lea heads for the kitchen and pulls a glass from the cabinet. He fills it with water and returns to Isa. He hands it to him before sitting beside him on the couch. Isa takes a sip before setting it down on the coffee table.

“So,” Lea speaks up, “where would you like to start?”

“Well…”

Isa seems to be struggling for the right words. For any words. And when he looks over at Lea, Lea’s heart skips a beat. Isa takes a deep breath, and then they’re lips are crashing together again.

“I was hoping you would say that,” Lea says against their lips.

“Shut up,” Isa says.

He chuckles before focusing on the task at hand. On kissing Isa. Sure, they do still have a lot to talk about, but it’s waited this long already. So, it can wait until morning. Besides, Lea has a feeling they have a long night ahead of them.


	8. Out of the Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "It's Always Been You" by Ray LaMontagne

_Since the first star split the black_

_Split the silence, too_

_Since the first dawn woke this earth_

_Found it clothed in blue…_

Isa understands that it had been a bit of an odd request, but he’s thankful that Riku didn’t question it. Thankful that Riku had been willing to go along with it. Especially taking into consideration the crazy hour.

As soon as Riku drops Isa off in Twilight Town and disappears back into the sky, Isa pulls out his phone to call Lea. He’s been planning this for a few days and now that he’s here, there’s no backing down. When Lea answers his phone, though, and Isa sees his face on the screen, whatever fears he had left just melt away.

Talking to Lea is simple enough. It’s natural. And so long as Isa doesn’t give himself too much time to think, he can’t talk himself out of this whole ordeal. The closer he gets to Lea’s place, though, the less desire he has to turn around. Maybe he’s more ready for this than he originally believed.

It’s when Lea suddenly asks where he is that Isa almost stumbles over his own feet. His own words. He’s so close to Lea’s apartment; he has to play out for just another hundred meters or so. Lea’s practically _interrogating_ him, though, and Isa keeps deterring him to the best of his abilities. Until, finally, he’s on Lea’s front step. He knocks on the door and Lea keeps babbling on as he goes to answer it. Doesn’t even make the connection. That is, not until he actually opens the front door and sees Isa standing there.

Isa makes one last retort before ending the call. “Hi, Lea,” he then says. In person.

Lea is on Isa in an instant. He tosses his arms around Isa’s neck as he kisses him. _Hard_. Isa can’t help but laugh into the kiss as he lets his arms wrap around Lea’s waist. He lets Lea step backwards, walking him into the apartment. The door gets slammed shut behind them, and then Isa is pushed up against it with Lea’s body pressed against him.

The moment is passionate, yet delicate at the same time. Hell, if Isa thought he had been ready before, then he’s even more ready now. But he also knows better now. And when they finally break apart for air, Isa ceases the opportunity.

“I thought we were going to talk,” he says. His voice is low and there’s a certain gruffness to it that even he doesn’t recognise.

“C’mon, we’ll have plenty of time to talk tomorrow,” Lea says. “So long as you promise not to run at the first sight of daybreak.”

He knows he’s joking, but the comment still stings a bit. “Y’know, I am sick of running,” he says anyway, trying to joke along with him. He then remorsefully pushes Lea away as he leans in for another kiss. “But you know as well as I do that we should talk first.”

“What if I’m sick of talking?”

“Then you’re going to downgrade back to _childish_.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, yeah, fine. You’re right.”

Even though Isa said it would be the best idea to stop, when Lea steps away from him, he’s almost reluctant to let him go. He almost pulls him back into his embrace. He does let him go, though. Somehow. Maybe because they’ll have all day tomorrow.

_Since the first bird song was sung_

_As through the air, it flew_

_It’s been you_

_It’s always been you_

_It’s always been you…_

When Lea returns from the kitchen with the glass of water, Isa gratefully accepts it. He only takes a sip or two before setting it down on the coffee table.

“So,” Lea starts from the spot next to him on the couch, “where would you like to start?”

“Well…”

He’s had too much time to think now. While he hasn’t talked himself out of this little situation, he’s talked himself into another one. He glances over at Lea and, when he does, he notices a certain gleam in his eyes. Isa takes a deep breath. His mind is made up. So, he captures Lea’s lips in another searing kiss.

“I was hoping you would say that,” Lea manages to get out.

“Shut up,” Isa says.

He chuckles before reciprocating the kiss in full. Then it’s just the sound of their lips as they break apart and come back together, over and over again. The sound of their uneven breaths. Isa feels paralysed in the best way as Lea’s hands sweep over his body. His touch is warm and delicate, and Isa already can’t get enough of it.

Before he knows it, he’s been pushed onto his back and is lying across the couch, Lea lying on top of him. The couch is small enough where their feet are dangling off the ends of it, but neither of them seems to care. Isa can’t bring himself to care. Especially not with the way Lea’s lips travel down his neck. Isa tangles his fingers in that mass of red hair in response.

“Is this okay?” Lea soon asks, breathless.

“More than okay,” Isa says.

His eyes are closed, but he feels Lea smile against his neck. Feels the trail of soft kisses and gentle nips. The breath catches in Isa’s throat when Lea reaches his collarbone. The grip he has on Lea’s hair tightens a bit, causing Lea to let out a small groan. The sound resonates within Isa, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Lea,” he speaks up.

He stops immediately to look at Isa. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just—” He catches his breath. He thinks about what Lea had said when he first answered the phone call not even an hour ago. “I’ve missed you, too.”

_Since the first thrust of the sea_

_Lie spent upon the shore_

_Since the first breath filled these lungs_

_Left them wanting more…_

Lea smiles, bringing a hand up to stroke Isa’s cheek softly. “Is that all?”

He returns the smile smugly, knowing that comment boosted Lea’s ego. “You also drive me crazy.”

He ghosts his lips over Isa’s. “That good or bad?”

“Both.”

Now he pulls back, feigning offence. “What do you mean _both_?”

“You really have to ask?”

“Y’know, you are at a very bad disadvantage right now to be teasing like that.”

He quirks an eyebrow. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

The hand that had previously been cupping Isa’s cheek now slips down his arm, stopping at his waist. Lea slips his hand beneath Isa’s shirt and Isa doesn’t know whether he should keep his eyes on Lea himself or watch his hand. But then his hand gently squeezes at Isa’s waist and it _tickles_. That’s when it clicks.

“Don’t you dare,” Isa says, wrapping a hand around Lea’s wrist.

Lea breaks into a huge grin as he does dare to _tickle_ Isa anyhow. And as Isa loses control of his breathing, Lea pushes back onto his knees so that he can use both his hands and reach all over Isa’s abdomen and gut. Isa tries grabbing for Lea’s hands to stop him, but they keep slipping just out of his reach every time he gets close. He’s pretty sure Lea is laughing just as hard. And if this can be the rest of their lives… Well, Isa thinks he’d be okay with this. More than okay.

The tickling has got to stop, though.

“Please,” he gasps out. “Lea, please, stop.”

“What’s the magic word?”

There is no magic word. But he knows Lea well enough to know the answer he’s looking for. “ _Childish_ ,” he calls out.

Lea stops immediately and they both end up slipping from the couch and onto the floor, tangling into each other. There’s more laughter as they straighten themselves out. Then they sit, leaning against the couch as they catch their breath.

“Why the hell do I put up with you?” Isa soon asks.

Lea reaches over to brush hair out of Isa’s face. “I dunno.” He plays with his hair a bit more. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Isa closes his eyes at the touch and takes a deep breath. “Because you put up with me in return.”

“Is that the only reason?”

He smirks softly. He knows the exact response Lea is looking for. “Do you need any other reason?” H won’t give it to him.

Lea jokingly shoves at Isa’s shoulder. “And you call me an ass.”

_Since the first your lips met mine_

_Soft as morning dew_

_It’s been you_

_It’s always been you_

_It’s always been you…_

Isa laughs as he takes the hit, but once he regains his balance, he pushes his back. Except he pushes until he has Lea pinned to the floor. Then he’s kissing him again and Lea kisses back with just as much fervor. His hands slide up Isa’s torso, not stopping until they’re at his shoulders. Even through his shirt, Isa can feel the trail of heat left behind by Lea’s touch. When he goes to kiss at Lea’s neck, his shoulders are pushed at, and he’s suddenly the one pinned to the floor instead.

“Can’t let you have too much power,” Lea says.

Isa doesn’t object. Just lets Lea kiss him again. And again. And again. Every kiss is better than the last. Every kiss leaves Isa wondering how he could’ve gone this long without kissing Lea every single day. He knows now, though, that he’ll be sure to spend the rest of his life kissing Lea every single day. The rest of his existence. And not just kissing Lea, but…holding him. Playing with his hair. Laughing with him. Staying up all night with him. Poking fun at him. Watching sunsets with him.

Everything he’s missed out on for the last ten years; he wants to do now. He wants those experiences. But only if he gets to experience them with Lea.

“What are you thinking about?” Lea speaks up again, pulling far enough away to be able to look Isa in the eye.

Isa runs a hand through Lea’s hair. “I’m thinking about you.”

He smiles. “What about me?”

“How there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with you.” He pauses, reading the expression on Lea’s face. “What’s on your mind?”

He swallows hard. “I was just thinking that…the floor is getting a bit uncomfortable.” He cheeks flush. “Maybe we can move to the bedroom.”

Isa _loves_ seeing Lea so flustered. He’s not easily embarrassed, so seeing the way he’s so—Hell, seeing the way he’s blushing at the insinuation makes Isa chuckle under his breath. For once, though, he doesn’t feel out of place. He knows, in this moment, that he’s exactly where he belongs.

“An actual bed does sound more comfortable than floor,” Isa says.

With that, Lea pushes himself onto his knees, and then to his feet. He holds out his hand as Isa sits up. Isa takes it and lets Lea help him back up. They share one last, chaste kiss before Lea leads Isa into the bedroom.

_Led me out of the darkness_

_Fed my heart on ancient land_

_Kept me close, kept me honest_

_I love you, oh, how I love you…_

Isa rests propped up on one elbow as he watches Lea’s sleeping form. He watches the rise and fall of his chest. Listens to the sound of his steady breathing…

This moment is so much different than the last. This entire night is different. Isa doesn’t feel need to run away this time. He wants to just sit here and watch Lea sleep. He wants to be soothed by his calm breathing. He wants to be right here when Lea wakes up. And he plans to be.

He places a gentle kiss on Lea’s bared shoulder. He shifts ever so slightly but doesn’t stir from his slumber. Isa smiles softly at him. At how peaceful he looks. At how peaceful this moment is. He can’t help but chuckle to himself. Why did he keep this from happening? How could he have been so afraid? He’s known from the beginning what Lea means to him. Hell, Lea had been there when he was lost in the void. Lea guided him through that abyss. Helped him find his way back to the light. So why did Isa ever believe Lea needed to be protected from him? Lea has only ever wanted to protect Isa. Always has protected him.

He thinks again back to when Lea first kissed him. That night during their time with the Organisation. Isa can’t help but wonder how different things would’ve been back then if he hadn’t been so afraid. If things would’ve been better or gotten even worse. Maybe they would’ve just been destroyed. And maybe they would’ve been better off. They could’ve returned as Somebodies sooner and been together with their hearts restored for longer. At the same time, though, there’s no point in dwelling. What happened has happened, and there’s no changing it. Despite everything, Isa’s not sure he would even want to change it. Everything happens for a reason, after all. And perhaps the reason they fell to the Organisation was to prove that they’re meant to be together. No matter what.

He brushes a few loose strands of hair out of Lea’s face. Subconsciously, Lea reaches for Isa’s hand and kisses it lightly. Isa is so overwhelmed by the gesture that he finds himself _crying_. He wipes his eyes with his hand, laughing under his breath. Talk about a crybaby. This is supposed to be Lea’s role, but he’s been the strong once since Isa awoke. He’s been the rock. And Isa truly doesn’t know what he would do without him.

Isa knows exactly how he feels. There has to be a better moment to say it, though. A better way to express it. Or perhaps it doesn’t matter so long as it is expressed. Hmm…

_Oh, how I love you_

_Oh, how I love you…_

He lays down so he’s face-to-face with Lea. Level with him. He’s still sleeping, but that’s okay. Isa can’t hold it back any longer. He can’t resist. The words of slipping out of his mouth before he can even think about stopping himself.

“I love you, Lea,” he speaks through the daybreak.

Lea smiles, his eyes still closed as he leans forward and places the softest of kisses on Isa’s lips. “I love you, too, Isa.”

_Since the first star split the black_

_The very light itself was moved_

_Since the first word moved the air_

_One syllable and true…_

Lea’s eyes flutter open and Isa shifts to tangle their bodies together once again. Lea is still so warm, and Isa welcomes it. _Drowns_ in it.

“I could get used to waking up like this,” Lea goes on.

Isa blushes. “I could, too, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“I know, I know. We’ll take it slow.” He looks between the two of them and swallows hard, chuckling embarrassedly. “Well, _slow_ may be the wrong word.”

Isa wraps a hand around to the nape of his neck and pulls him into a deep kiss. “You talk too much,” he says against his lips.

Lea smiles between kisses. “Just admit you love the sound of my voice.”

“Actually, it’s pretty grating.”

He pulls away almost instantly, pushing off Isa’s chest. “Do you wanna get tickled again? Because that’s exactly how you get tickled again.”

He laughs. And it’s loud and pure and _genuine_. Hell, Isa can’t remember the last time he felt so happy. He never wants this night to come to an end; he wants to live in it forever. “Have I mentioned recently how childish you are?”

He grins. “Not since the last time I tickled you.”

“You better not.”

When Lea tries to tickle him again, Isa doesn’t let him get far. He has a better defence this time. He gets a hold of both of Lea’s wrists and they wrestle for dominance for a brief moment. Isa gets the upper hand, flipping Lea onto his back and pinning his hands above his head. Lea stares up at him, out of breath, and licks his lips.

“Okay, _that_ was pretty hot,” Lea speaks up.

Isa shakes his head, trying to shake off the blush at the same time. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’m _your_ idiot.”

He leans down to kiss Lea, stopping right before he reaches his lips. “I can live with that.”

“Good,” Lea says. Isa pulls away when he notes the serious tone in his voice. The look in his eyes matches. “Because there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

Isa gently presses his forehead against Lea’s. “You and me, right?”

He smiles. “You and me.” He then winks at him. “Got it memorised?”

“That’s it.” Isa releases his wrists and rolls over, aiming to get off the bed. “I’m done.”

Lea breaks into a fit of a laughter. “ _Wait_ ,” he calls out. He reaches for Isa, wrapping his arms around his middle and dragging him back. “Come back.” Isa lets himself get pulled into Lea’s warm embrace. “Please, don’t go.”

He turns in his arms to face the redhead. “I’m not going anywhere.” He smiles. “There’s nowhere else for me.” He presses a hand to Lea’s chest. “My place is here.”

Lea covers Isa’s cold hand with his warm one. “Talk about being a sap.”

Isa rolls his eyes. “You love it.”

His smile grows. “I do…”

_Since the first your eyes found mine_

_It was all at once I knew_

_It’s been you; it’s always been you_

_It’s always been you…_

Isa doesn’t mind getting lost in moments like this. In fact, he may have gotten a bit too lost. He blinks a couple times as his vision refocuses. Lea is resting half on top of him, his chin on Isa’s chest, a finger tracing soft, irregular circles on it. He’s smiling up at Isa as if trying not to laugh.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Isa asks.

“You blacked out, didn’t you?” Lea says. “Just now.”

“I don’t—” He stops himself. Actually, he doesn’t recall shifting into this position. And the last thing he remembers being spoken was something about him being a sap. Huh. “I may have,” he says instead.

Lea chuckles. “Don’t worry. You didn’t miss anything important. Just me talking about how much I love you.” He watches his finger trace circles. “So, any extreme emotion can cause an episode, huh?”

“That’s how it seems.”

“Is that why you thought before that this was a bad idea?”

He glances down at Lea and runs a hand through his hair. “That’s exactly why.”

He tilts his head to place a kiss on Isa’s stomach. He twitches ever so slightly at the touch. Lea must notice because he chuckles under his breath. Isa continues running his fingers through his mass of red hair. Lea closes his eyes, leaning his head into the touch.

“What happens next?” Lea speaks up.

“Well, I think we still have a lot of talking to do,” Isa says. “We’ve barely scratched the surface.”

“Right.” He takes a deep breath. “So tomorrow we sit down and actually talk everything through. We get to the bottom of it all. Even if it means starting at the beginning.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“No secrets,” he goes on. “We should be completely open and honest with each other, no matter what we believe the other may think. It’s only fair.”

Isa swallows hard. “Yes, that seems fair.”

Lea turns his head on its side so that it’s flat against Isa’s chest, facing away from him. Isa lets him be. Lets him settle. Continues to play with his hair. Until, that is, he feels a wet drop of… _something_ fall on his chest.

“Are you crying?” he checks.

Lea sniffles, clearly not trying to hide it now. “I can hear your heart beating.” It’s such a simple statement, yet it brings tears to Isa’s eyes, as well. Lea turns his head to look up at him and starts laughing when he notices that he’s also crying. “Look at us. A couple of crybabies.”

Isa gasps out a little laugh as he wipes at his cheeks. “I learned from the best.”

Lea pushes himself up until he’s able to press his lips to Isa’s. “Have mentioned just how much I love you?”

Isa smiles. “I believe you have, but I may have missed some of what you said.”

“Maybe I should show you instead, then.” Another delicate kiss. “Show you how I’ve known from the day I met you that we would end up together.”

“That’s a long time to be sure of something.”

He kisses along Isa’s jawline. “And I have a long time to show you.”

_It’s always been you_

_It’s always been you_

Isa stops Lea’s ministrations to look into his green orbs. Hell, they’ve never shined more brightly than they are in this moment. “I’d be lost without you,” he says. Lea blushes and smiles. “You’re not just a fire, Lea. You’re my sun. You light up my whole world.”

“Y’know, there’s also beauty in darkness.” He pushes a lock of hair behind Isa’s ear. “You always shone through for me, too. Even during the darkest of nights, you showed me the stars. You are my moon.”

Isa’s almost certain that the sun and the moon are never supposed to meet. They’re never supposed to collide. That if they did meet, it would mean the end of the universe.

In this case, though, they’re meant to be together. They’re meant to collide. To spark. And they’re meant to deceive all odds.


	9. Don't Be Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Used: "I'll Keep You Safe" by Sleeping At Last

_I’ll keep you safe_

_Try hard to concentrate_

_Hold out your hand_

_Can you feel the weight of it?_

_The whole world at your fingertips…_

As Lea stirs awake, his memories of the previous night come to the forefront of his mind. He smiles, yawning and stretching out his arms. Then he takes a deep breath as he rolls over. In the space beside him lies Isa, already awake and staring back.

“Good morning,” Lea says.

Isa smiles. “Actually, it’s more like good afternoon.”

“Don’t care. It’s good, either way.” More stretching. “All right. You ready for this?”

“For what?”

“Our talk.”

He looks almost surprised. “You’re not gonna try to avoid it?”

“That’s what last night was about.” He kisses the tip of Isa’s nose. “Besides, I know that we need to do this and get it out of the way. Plus, there’s something I’ve been wanting to share with you for a while now.”

“And what would that be?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.” He pauses. “How about we grab lunch at the Bistro first? Then we can come back here and hash it out.”

He chuckles. “Sounds like a plan.”

So, they get ready for the day ahead of them. They each take a shower. On their own. Lea had tried joining Isa in his, but Isa quickly shot that idea down. Told him they needed to stay focused today. Lea knows that Isa is right. He knows he shouldn’t be nervous, but his stomach is twisting in knots. He doesn’t understand why.

Isa is sitting on the couch with a book once Lea finishes getting ready. He steps up behind the couch and places a light kiss on the top of Isa’s head. Isa sets the book down on his lap and he turns his head to look back at him and smile. Lea returns the smile.

“Let’s get going,” Lea says.

With that, they make their way for the Bistro. The walk is quiet, for the most part, but Lea is okay with that. It’s returned to a comfortable silence between them. The atmosphere is just right. He looks over at Isa, who’s taking in the surroundings of Twilight Town, and reaches for his hand. He interlocks their fingers and Isa’s eyes—his _teal_ eyes—are on him in an instant.

“This okay?” he asks.

Isa nods. “More than okay.”

They don’t spend much time at the Bistro. Once they’re seated, they’re quick to order. The silence continues as they eat. Silence aside from exchanging small fits of laughter here and there when they catch each other staring at the other. Man, Lea has missed this so much. This dynamic. It almost feels like they’re teenagers again. Except they’re not. Although, Lea isn’t sure he’d consider either of them grown up. He’s come to learn that they still have a lot of emotional maturing to make up for. But now they can work on it together.

_Don’t be, don’t be afraid_

_Our mistakes, they were bound to be made_

_But I promise you, I’ll keep you safe…_

The walk back to Lea’s apartment is a bit more talkative. More animated. And it isn’t until they cross paths with Roxas and Xion that it suddenly becomes…awkward. Lea can see Isa staring at his feet from the corner of his eye, whereas he’s trying to look anywhere that isn’t at either of the kids. Man, he hates this.

“We had no idea you were visiting,” Xion finally breaks the silence.

“It was a last-minute trip,” Lea says.

“Will you be here long?”

“Uhm…” Isa swallows hard. “Perhaps until tomorrow.”

She smiles and nods. “Maybe we could all meet up for ice cream later.”

Lea can’t help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. He’s not sure how sincere it is, but he does know that she’s at least trying. “Yeah, maybe.”

Roxas clears his throat. “Well, we gotta get to the mansion.”

Xion waves her goodbye, still smiling, as she and Roxas continue on their way. Lea places a hand on Isa’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile of his own before they also keep going towards their destination.

These interactions will get better with time. But that’s the next step. First, Lea wants to focus on just the two of them. Making them as good as they can be.

_You’ll be an architect_

_So, pull up your sleeves_

_And build a new silhouette_

_In the skylines up ahead…_

Once they get back to Lea’s apartment, they make themselves comfortable in the living room. Isa gets the couch to himself while Lea takes over the armchair, sitting with his legs dangling over one of the arms. Their gazes then meet from their seats and they chuckle apprehensively.

This moment just became very real.

“So,” Isa speaks up. “Where should we start? Or should we just talk until we come across a topic that seems to hit a nerve?”

“That’s not a bad take,” Lea says, “but first I wanna make sure that you’re gonna be all right.”

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon, you know exactly what I mean.” He sighs. “Are you gonna be able to focus? Or will most of this talk be spent with you zoning in and out and me repeating myself?”

“I can’t control my blackouts, Lea. I can try to let you know when and if I feel one coming on, but I can’t just…make them not happen. If that were the case, then they wouldn’t be such an issue.”

“Right.” He takes a deep breath before tilting his head. “You know what? I know exactly where to start.” Isa only quirks an eyebrow in response. “How long has it been now since you’ve woken up? At least a month, yeah? And I don’t think either of us have taken a moment to apologise to the other.”

Isa considers this. “I think you’re right.”

“Let’s start with that, then.”

He nods his head once. “I…apologise, Lea. For everything that happened during our time with the Organisation. Uhm. The way I acted was inexcusable and—” He stops, shaking his head. “This is going to sound stupid, but… I don’t know how to apologise. I mean, of course I understand what I did wrong, but I’m not sure how to put the apology itself into the proper words.”

Lea knows this is serious, but he can’t help but chuckle at this. “That’s okay. I’m not sure either of us have ever had this sort of confrontation before. Well…I apologised to Roxas and Xion, but even I didn’t think it had been enough.”

“Right…” He pauses. “I think I remember overhearing you talking about that. How what you did them had been worse than my actions because what you did was a legitimate betrayal.”

“Yeah.” He rolls his eyes. “I feel like I’ve had that same conversation with them way too many times now.”

“Why?”

Lea isn’t sure exactly how to answer that. How he _wants_ to answer it. Hmm. “Well—”

“I know they still don’t like me,” Isa goes on. “You don’t have to keep that from me.”

“It’s not just that, though…” He sighs. “Why are we even talking about them? I thought we were supposed to be talking about you and me.”

He chuckles a bit. “You brought them up.”

“Fine. While they’re still on our minds, then… They’re gonna need an apology from you, too. Once they get an apology, they’ll be able to move past all this and give you an actual fighting chance. And those are Xion’s words.”

He nods his head once. “That makes sense.”

“Okay. Now that that’s out of the way…” Lea takes another deep breath as he retrieves the letter from his pocket. Considering just how many times he’s read it by now, he’s surprised he doesn’t have it memorised. Tch. How ironic. “If you don’t know exactly how to apologise, then I’ll start.”

_Don’t be, don’t be afraid_

_Our mistakes, they were bound to be made_

_But I promise you, I’ll keep you safe_

_I’ll keep you safe…_

“Is that what you had been referring to last night?” Isa asks as Lea unfolds the piece of paper. “The thing you had been meaning to share?”

“It is,” Lea says. “When Kairi and I were training together, she suggested I write letters to the people who mattered. Letters that would never actually be sent out. I ended up using the idea to write apologies. One for Roxas. One for Xion. And,” he waves the paper, “one for you.” Isa reaches his hand out, but Lea shakes his head. “No, I—I want to read it to you. If you don’t mind.”

He retracts his hand and smiles softly. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay.” He clears his throat. “First of all…I’m sorry. Everything I did before, I did with good intentions. I did it because I thought I had to. Because I thought it would help. I followed your orders until I no longer agreed with them. Until I thought they were too dangerous. Yet, you were the one always calling me reckless. Funny how that works, huh?” He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady. “Y’know our promise? Still got it memorised? I do. We promised we’d never let anything or anyone get between us. That we’d always stick together. And we always said that we’d never turn on each other because it would be both our downfalls. Guess we weren’t so wrong about that. Guess Xemnas also knew how to play us.” He freezes when he realises what he’s done, his eyes widening. “Isa—”

“It’s okay,” he says. “I’m okay. It’s…different when it comes from you.” He looks up at him and gives another smile. “Keep going. Please.”

He nods, taking another deep, shaky breath. He skims the letter to find where he had left off. “Uh…” He swallows hard. “A-at—At the same time, though, I never would’ve lasted a day without you. Despite everything, you were my rock. I kept coming back to you because… Well, because I couldn’t imagine an existence without you. After all, you had always been the one and only constant in my life. Even during our time with the Organisation.” He pauses again, glancing across the way at Isa. He has a thoughtful look on his face. A look that’s almost…determined. Lea can’t help but wonder what’s going through his mind. “Things are so different now,” he goes on. “I get that. Just like I understand that things may never be exactly how they were before. If we both make it out of this alive, though, I’d be willing to try. Even if it means starting over. I’d be okay with that. More than okay with it. Having a heart again—”

“It’s just not the same without have you here to experience it with me,” Isa says.

The breath catches in his throat. “How did you know—?”

“All of this… It sounds familiar. Like I’ve heard it somewhere before.”

“How is that possible?”

“I—I don’t…know…” He shakes his head. “Please, keep reading.”

“Hmm.” He finds his spot again. “Having a heart again… It’s just not the same without having you here to experience it with me. I mean, I feel like we’ve always shared—” Huh. He forgot he had never properly finished that thought on paper. “Anyway…I digress. Just know that I’m trying to make this better. I’m trying to be better. For both of us. I don’t know what’s gonna happen from this day forward. I have no idea how the Keyblade War is gonna pan out. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again at a time when we’re not fighting. I’m not sure if we’ll ever get the chance to be together again. To be together at all…” It’s getting harder to read with a steady voice. Especially now with tears swelling in his eyes. “While we were part of the Organisation, I fought for you for as long as I could. I fought until I lost my strength. Until I lost myself. I shouldn’t have given up on you, though. I should’ve sucked it up and kept fighting. Y’know, sometimes I can’t help but feel that you fell to the darkness because of me. So, I’m gonna make up for that. This time, I won’t stop fighting. No matter what. I’m gonna knock some sense into you.” He forces a smile across his tearstained face. “You and me, Isa. Got it memorised?”

_Darkness will be rewritten_

_Into a work of fiction, you’ll see_

_As you pull on every ribbon_

_You’ll find every secret it keeps…_

Silence fills the room. Lea dries his eyes as he waits for Isa to respond. Isa, who’s sitting on the edge of the couch with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. No part of him is moving. Shaking. Hell, Lea can barely make out Isa’s breathing pattern.

Finally, Isa lifts his head. “You didn’t—” He squeezes his eyes shut. “You are _not_ the reason I fell to the darkness. How could you even think that?”

“I pushed you away.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I was afraid of being too close, so I made sure to distance us. I’m the one who pushed you away. I—” He laughs self-deprecatingly as tears escape his eyes. “I was the jealous one, remember? It was always you and me. So, when you brought two new friends into the equation… I only felt replaced.”

“I wasn’t replacing you. I could never replace you.”

“I know that now, but…” He takes a deep breath. “I thought that if I made you hate me, then losing you would hurt less.”

“Kinda like the whole pushing me away thing, huh?”

“See? I’m still doing it now. I mean, I’m no different than—”

“Don’t you dare say that name.” Isa does press his lips together right away. Lea lets out a heavy sigh. “The only thing you share with him is your physical from. You are nothing like that, though. You, as Isa, are so much better. There’s no comparison.”

Isa falls quiet. Lea gives him time to think. To process his thoughts. He doesn’t want to rush this conversation. He wants to make sure everything gets laid out. That everything gets addressed. One way or another.

“The darkness,” Isa suddenly speaks up.

Lea quirks an eyebrow. “What about it?”

“That’s why your letter sounded so familiar to me.” He looks over at Lea. “I have heard bits and pieces of it before.”

He shakes his head a bit. “I don’t understand…”

“Before I woke up, during that time when you were waiting for me, I was in some sort of void. I’m not sure if it had been in my mind or an actual physical place, but that’s what I remember. And while I had been there—Well, I heard voices. One belonging to…our old Superior. He had been trying to convince me that I belonged to the darkness. That I would never find my way out because I hadn’t earned it.” He shakes his head. “The other voice I heard was yours. And while you had been speaking _at_ me, you hadn’t been speaking _to_ me directly. Your form was there, but not in the same way… _he_ had been there. I couldn’t talk back to you and you couldn’t hear or see me. But when you were there, you had been reading the letter. And that’s why I recognised it just now.”

“I did,” Lea says. “I-I did. I read you the letter while you were still sleeping. I read it with the hopes that it would reach you.”

He smiles, his eyes brimming with tears all over again. “It did.”

_The sound of the branches breaking under your feet_

_The smell of the falling and burning of leaves_

_The bitterness of winter_

_Or the sweetness of spring_

_You are an artist_

_And your heart is your masterpiece_

_And I’ll keep it safe…_

“I can’t believe you remember that,” Lea goes on. “I mean, considering the state you had been in at the time…” He shakes his head. “I have no idea where I’m going with this.” He pauses. “Is that where you go when you blackout?”

“No,” Isa says. “I don’t think I necessarily go anywhere when I blackout. I’m just lost in my head, but not in the same way as when I had been asleep.”

“Hmm.” He considers this. He understands it’s a sensitive topic, but it’s another one that needs to be discussed. “How do we go about handling your episodes?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you clearly don’t trust yourself during your blackouts because you have no idea what might happen. And I know you said you never know exactly when they’re coming on, but can you at least tell when they’ll be…physical rather than you just spacing out?” He hopes that was the best way of wording it.

“Well, when I’m angry or upset,” Isa starts, “is when it seems I tend to have the more violent episodes. Like the one in the Lab after Ienzo had said _his_ name, and then the one in the Study when we had been arguing about the letter that I left you.” He pauses. “But then last night, you pointed out a moment when I had had an episode and that had just been me losing track of my thoughts because—” There’s a hint of pink in his cheeks. “Well, because I was happy.”

“Huh. So, I was right.” Isa quirks an eyebrow at this and Lea chuckles a bit. “I kinda had my own little theory going that the intensity of your episodes where dependent on your emotions.”

“Isa that so?” He smirks smugly. “Aren’t you clever?”

He makes a face at him. “Shut up.”

“Oh, very mature.”

“Either way…” He lets out an exasperated sort of chuckle. “Isa, c’mon, what do you want me to do? I mean, I know you don’t necessarily like me around when you’re having an episode, but I can’t just leave you alone. Especially when you’re flipping tables and trying to punch walls. I need to be there to make sure you won’t seriously injure yourself.”

“And what if I were to seriously injure you?”

“I don’t think you would.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I think somewhere, deep in your subconscious, you would know it’s me and be able to prevent yourself from hurting me.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I have full faith in that concept.”

He takes this into consideration. “It might carry some backbone to it. After all, if these episodes truly are similar to my berserk state, then I should remain aware of what’s going on around me. To an extent, at least.”

“Hold on—” He tilts his head. “You knew what was going on around you while you were in your berserk state?”

“Again, only to an extent. I mean, it was a fighting mechanism. So, I had to know what it was I was fighting so that way I wouldn’t target the wrong thing.”

“No, yeah, I get that part, but…” He trails off as he gets lost in thought.

The idea of Isa having known what had been happening around him while in his berserk state is almost…unsettling. Lea can pinpoint why he finds it so unsettling, though. He’s not sure why it bothers him as much. He’s also not sure why he’s so surprised. Isa’s right, after all. It had been a fighting mechanism. Of course he had to know what was going on around him. Otherwise—

_Dismiss the invisible_

_By giving it shape_

_Like a clockmaker fixes time_

_By keeping the gears in line…_

“You’re thinking too much,” Isa says.

Lea shakes his head as he’s brought back to the moment. “Tch. I talk too much… I think too much…” He feigns a smirk. “Is there anything I don’t do enough of?”

Isa isn’t buying it. “Actually, I do need you to talk right now.” He leans forward a bit. “I need you to tell me what’s on your mind.”

He takes another moment to think. “During the final battle,” he starts. “You were in your berserk state for a decent amount of that fight. How much of it do you truly remember?”

“Pretty much all of it. Why?”

“So—Hmm…”

“Even though I was aware of what had been happening,” Isa goes on, “I didn’t always necessarily have full control over my body unless I was actually in the midst of fighting.” He pauses. “And that was probably a good thing, too. It helped in the long run.”

His brow furrows. “What are you talking about?”

“We agreed on total honesty, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, do you recall what Roxas had said when he came back? About how he owed his return to many and that some of them were people…our old Superior had known?”

“Yeah, of course I remember.”

“Well, there had been a traitor within the real Organisation. Someone who had been able to use the replica programme without gaining suspicion. Someone who recruited Even and Demyx because of how much of an unlikely team they would make. Because they also wouldn’t raise any suspicions.” He takes a deep breath. “I…was the traitor.”

Lea’s eyes widen at this new information. Hell, he nearly jumps out of his chair. “Wait, so you were technically on our side the entire time?”

“In a sense, yes. Even initially brought back the replica programme to fill the empty numbers that had been needed, but I made sure we would have extra for Roxas, Xion, and Naminé to return to, as well. And before our battle officially began, I kept saying your name and Roxas’s name over and over because I could tell it had been triggering a reaction in Xion. It had been triggering a connection.”

He can barely believe what he’s hearing. “Holy shi—So that entire time, you were playing the Boss right in front of his face and he never even caught on.” He laughs, incredulously. “Wait a sec…” He sits up a little straighter. “When Xemnas attacked me—”

“Don’t,” Isa says. “I did not just stand there and let that happen. I told you, I was unable to move.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Trust me, that had not been easy to watch.” He pauses. “That’s what I meant, though, when I said not having control had almost been a good thing. If I had been able to move, then I would’ve blown my cover in that moment, and then I’m not sure how much more we would’ve been able to get away with. If Sora would’ve had a chance to trigger Xion’s memory and, in turn, trigger yours.”

“Right, no, that…makes sense.” Lea takes another moment to let this new information sink in. To let it settle. Then he finds himself laughing again. “Hell, I can’t believe you’re essentially the reason Roxas, Xion, and Naminé were able to become their own people.” He glances over at Isa. “Why am I only just hearing about this now?”

“I asked Ienzo and the others not to mention it. I didn’t need the kids feeling obligated to forgive me because of something like this.”

He shakes his head. “They should know what you went through. That you risked your own existence to bring them back.” He pauses, unsure if he should keep going. “Why did you?” Might as well. “No offence, but what did you have to gain?”

_Don’t be, don’t be afraid_

_God knows that mistakes will be made_

_But I promise you, I’ll keep you safe…_

“I wanted to atone,” Isa goes on. “Better yet, I wanted to do this for you so you would be happy.” His gaze falls to his lap as he clears his throat. “I, uh, never anticipated making it back here after the final battle and I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you alone after all I had done. I wanted to make sure you would have your friends so—”

Lea practically lunges out of his chair and onto Isa. He kisses him, catching him off guard. “You are incredible,” he says once he pulls away.

Isa’s blushing. “I’m not that special.”

“Shut up. You are.” He sits beside him on the couch. “Let’s face it: You didn’t have to do any of that, but you actively chose to.” He brushes a lock of Isa’s hair behind his ear. “And if you ask me, that’s pretty damn incredible.”

He smiles half-heartedly. “If you say so.”

He shoots back a smug smile. “I do say so.” He then takes Isa’s hand in his own, twining their fingers. “And for the record, I’m glad you made it back.”

He swallows hard. “Me too.” He pauses. “I’m sorry. If our promise was ever broken, it was because of my own actions. I had been selfish and jealous and didn’t know what else to do. I had gotten so used to just…always having you there. So, when I realised you were always too busy for me because you were with Roxas and Xion—”

“I made sure I was always busy with them to avoid you,” Lea says. “I couldn’t stand who you were becoming, and I wanted no part in it. But I was so fiercely loyal—”

“Yes, and I took advantage of that loyalty and tried to use it against you.”

Now he chuckles, shaking his head. “Y’know, we can play this game all day. Go back and forth about who’s truly at fault here, but that won’t get us anywhere. It’s like I keep saying to Roxas and Xion… We all did some pretty messed up shit. And I think we’re all a little bit to blame.”

“I was the worst, though.”

“You were.” Isa turns his head to look at him all offended. Lea laughs again. “I’m sorry, but I’m not gonna shield you from that one. I mean, you’re right. You were pretty damn terrible.”

Isa rolls his eyes, but he’s also chuckling a bit. “You’re an ass.”

Lea leans over to kiss him on the cheek. Once he does, Isa turns his head and Lea captures his lips. He slides closer to Isa, wrapping one arm around his shoulders while his other hand finds purchase on Isa’s knee. And it’s in this moment when time stops. And Lea is okay with that. He’s more than okay with it. Because these are the moments he wants to live in forever.

_As you build up your collection_

_Of pearls that you pulled from the deep_

_A landscape more beautiful_

_Than anything that I’ve ever seen…_

“So, what’s next?” Isa asks in between kisses.

“What do you mean?”

“Is there anything else to talk about?”

Lea pulls away from Isa far enough to focus on his entire face. “Hmm… Well, I think we got the important stuff out of the way. Still a little rough around your episodes, but we can figure that out as we go along. Maybe they’ll start to happen less and less overtime. And I’ll help you figure out an apology for Roxas and Xion. I won’t tell you what to say, but I’ll at least make it easier for you to approach them.”

He nods. “I would appreciate that.”

He smiles, kissing Isa’s forehead. The hand on his knee then comes up to the trace the _X_ across his nose. Isa closes his eyes at the touch. Lea smiles softly at him. He almost feels like a teenager all over again. Except this is somehow better. The two of them like this. A relationship ten years in the making.

“How about another promise?” Lea speaks up.

Isa opens his eyes and shakes his head, laughing. “What is it with you and promises?”

“I dunno.” He shrugs his shoulders with a chuckle of his own. “Gives ya something to hold on to, y’know? Something to remind you of why you’re fighting in the first place. I mean, I’m not sure about you, but I know that while I was struggling to figure out what to do with the Organisation, I always thought back to our promise. Every decision I made, I still tried to make with you in mind.”

He smiles half-heartedly, nodding his head once more. “Me too.”

“So, no harm in making another promise, right?”

“No harm at all.”

“Okay.” He shifts closer to Isa, tilting his head thoughtfully. “Let’s promise to always stick together, yeah? And…to always have each other’s backs.” Isa starts laughing at him, but Lea tries to stay serious. “To make sure we always protect each other and—What is so funny?”

“I think I’ve already made this promise with some other sappy idiot.”

“That so?” He grins. “Was he ruggedly handsome?”

Isa quirks an eyebrow. “He had these stupid marks under his eyes.”

Lea laughs. “Sounds like bad advice.” He lets out a content sigh. “We’re on the same side now,” he goes on. “So, whatever happens next, let’s make sure we actually stick together and don’t turn on each other. No one can get between us. No one can get in the way of us.”

“And this time around, we communicate,” Isa adds. “I’m sure that was half our problem before. We were afraid to talk to each other.”

“Yeah, communication is key.” He nods his head. “And, as always, you and me.” He smiles. “Promise?”

Isa smiles softly. “You and me. Promise.”

With that, Lea practically throws himself over Isa, straddling his lap to get as close as he can in this position. “Now that that’s out of the way.” He takes Isa’s face in his hands and kisses him affectionately. “I forgive you, by the way,” he then says. “For everything.”

“Huh.” Isa tilts his head. “Yes, I suppose the forgiving aspect is an important part of the apology itself.”

“And we almost breezed right past it.”

He chuckles as he smooths Lea’s hair back. “I forgive you, too.”

He smiles softly at the touch before leveling that heated gaze on Isa. “Now, where were we?” Isa blushes and it causes Lea to fall even deeper in love with him. Just like that. He leans closer to Isa until their lips are barely a breath apart. “Right about here, yeah?”

“More like…”

He presses his lips to Lea’s and Lea smiles into the kiss. Yeah, he can definitely get used to this. He can definitely spend the rest of his life in these arms. Kissing those lips. And looking at that face. He wouldn’t give it up for anything. Not even a million sunsets.

_The sound of the branches breaking under your feet_

_The smell of the falling and burning of leaves_

_The bitterness of winter_

_Or the sweetness of spring_

_You are an artist_

_And your heart is your masterpiece_

_And I’ll keep it safe_

Soon enough, Lea and Isa are making their way for the clock tower. They’re much more talkative now than they had been earlier. Everything’s been laid out now; there’s nothing left to hide. And it feels _good_. Lea feels weightless for the first time in a long time. There are no more burdens for him to carry. Maybe still a little bit of guilt, but he can sort that out. He can work through that. And Isa… Well, he can’t remember the last time he saw Isa _smile_ so much. That’s what makes him feel the best.

When they reach the clock tower, Roxas and Xion are already present. Before they turn the corner to join them, Lea turns to Isa.

“Don’t worry about saying anything just yet,” he starts. “No apologies. No telling them about the replicas. Let’s just enjoy this moment for what it is. We’ll get to the tough stuff another time.”

Isa nods. “Very well.”

They turn the corner and greet Roxas and Xion, taking their respective spots to the right of both kids. They’re all quiet for a while, enjoying the sunset. Lea thinks he can get used to this, too. Sunsets with—Well, with his _family_.

“Hey, Lea,” Roxas speaks up. Hearing the kid use his proper name is almost startling. “Remember that time I asked you about what love is?”

Lea narrows his eyes, not sure what to expect with this. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, I think you knew more than you had let on.”

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon, we’re not _that_ clueless,” Xion says. “Plus, you and Isa are really obvious.”

He instantly feels heat flare in his cheeks and looks over at Isa. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose, his cheeks also tinted pink. Lea shakes his head, chuckling. “Have we really been that obvious?” he asks.

“It’s your own fault,” Isa speaks up.

“How is it my fault?”

“You’re very affectionate and not afraid to show it.”

“Oh, I’m _so_ sorry.” Lea makes sure to act as dramatic as he can. As childish as he can. “I just won’t touch you anymore.”

Isa rolls his eyes. “That’s not what I—”

“Nope. Keeping my hands to myself from now on.”

Xion leans back to look around at Isa. “This won’t last long, right?”

“Not at all,” Isa says. “He has no self-restraint.”

Lea’s eyes widen, but he finds himself laughing. “What is happening? Why are you all dragging me?”

“Because you’ll get mad if we drag Isa,” Roxas starts, “so you’re the next best option.”

“Tch.” Lea reaches for Roxas, rustling his hair. “I’m gonna drag you right off this damn tower.” He gently pushes the kid’s head towards Xion. The two of them break into a fit of laughter and Lea turns to face Isa. “Just wait,” he says. “Once they do grow comfortable enough with you—”

“You make yourself an easy target,” Isa says.

He makes a face at him. “Whatever.”

As the evening goes on, there’s more laughter. Roxas keeps making digs at Lea, but Lea gives it right back. The best sound is Xion’s uncontrollable giggling, but the best view is Isa. His laughter is silent, as he’s trying to contain it, but he can’t hide the huge smile that keeps popping onto his face. It’s more fascinating than any sunset.

If Lea hasn’t mentioned it already… He could truly get used to this.


End file.
